Exposing accepted adultery and divorce "wisdom" - Divorce Minister

Skip to content

Don’t let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ.

-Colossians 2:8, NLT

Most do not approach the topic with an understanding that adultery and divorce are traumas. They cut deep–i.e soul deep.

Adultery is soul rape. The Bible teaches us that marriage is a union between two spouses. That union results in two becoming one. A third party–i.e. the affair partner–violates that oneness without the consent of faithful spouse. It’s rape at an emotional and spiritual level (see I Cor. 6).

When we have this biblical understanding of the traumatic nature of adultery for the faithful party, the usual “wisdom” is exposed for the harmful nonsense it is.

Only a sick (and wicked) person would dare ask a rape victim what they did “to contribute” to their victimization. Yet that is accepted as wisdom in dealing with adultery situations in the church all the time. “Own your part” is what they say!

Only a sick (and wicked) person would dare suggest “it takes two” in a rape situation. While technically true, this statement omits important information–like one party not being willing–and is clearly aimed at blaming the victim. This “wisdom” is spouted regularly to faithful spouses, sadly.

I lump divorce and adultery together as that is how the Bible treats these two subjects. They are strongly linked. A marriage ending following adultery is not the fault of the faithful party.

In fact, I would argue the ending of the marriage was compulsory in the Old Testament via the death sentence for the adulterous (see Deuteronomy 22:22).

Yet that argument is for another post on another day. My point is that the worldly wisdom on infidelity and divorce looks foolish and wicked when properly framed through a biblical theology on such matters.

Post navigation

Give

Subscribe to the Daybreak Devotions for Women

Be inspired by God's Word every day! Delivered to your inbox.


More from David Derksen

  • featureImage

    Requiring You To Follow Their Advice - Divorce Minister

    “You need to do this, or you wife will never come back,” says “friend.” I recently came across a video short on my phone. The speaker talked about how people who insist on you following their advice are not about care. They are about control. Some of us have had such “helpers” in our lives … Continue reading "Requiring You To Follow Their Advice"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    A hug, not a kiss - Divorce Minister

    “Goodbye in her eyes” by Zac Brown Band It wasn’t a kiss. It was a hug. We had just finished our dentist appointments. She had forgotten that she had made joint appointments. I had already confronted her about the Other Man about two weeks prior. She was still lying about him and still denying adultery. … Continue reading "A hug, not a kiss"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    Yes "....at just the right time" - Divorce Minister

    You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. -Romans 5:6, NIV “At just the right time” I think we are conditioned as a species to think the “right time” is when we are able to “save ourselves.” We think that is when a partnership with God is appropriate. … Continue reading "Yes “….at just the right time”"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    Cheater Still Blaming Spouse - Divorce Minister

    “Sure, I cheated in the past. But I sorted that with my individual therapist. We agreed my emotional affair was really just a symptom of my marriage problems,” says Cheater. So much of the pastoral or other Christian counseling is biased towards “saving” the marriage. This bias can lead to the pastor glossing over a … Continue reading "Cheater Still Blaming Spouse"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    A Powerful Quote About Trauma - Divorce Minister

    This past week I was blessed to spend time up at a cabin in Northern Minnesota. It was a wonderful time of memory making and relaxation with family. When I was driving back home yesterday, I was listening to an audio book. In particular, I am going through When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your … Continue reading "A Powerful Quote About Trauma"

    1 min read

Editor's Picks

More from David Derksen

  • featureImage

    Requiring You To Follow Their Advice - Divorce Minister

    “You need to do this, or you wife will never come back,” says “friend.” I recently came across a video short on my phone. The speaker talked about how people who insist on you following their advice are not about care. They are about control. Some of us have had such “helpers” in our lives … Continue reading "Requiring You To Follow Their Advice"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    A hug, not a kiss - Divorce Minister

    “Goodbye in her eyes” by Zac Brown Band It wasn’t a kiss. It was a hug. We had just finished our dentist appointments. She had forgotten that she had made joint appointments. I had already confronted her about the Other Man about two weeks prior. She was still lying about him and still denying adultery. … Continue reading "A hug, not a kiss"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    Yes "....at just the right time" - Divorce Minister

    You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. -Romans 5:6, NIV “At just the right time” I think we are conditioned as a species to think the “right time” is when we are able to “save ourselves.” We think that is when a partnership with God is appropriate. … Continue reading "Yes “….at just the right time”"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    Cheater Still Blaming Spouse - Divorce Minister

    “Sure, I cheated in the past. But I sorted that with my individual therapist. We agreed my emotional affair was really just a symptom of my marriage problems,” says Cheater. So much of the pastoral or other Christian counseling is biased towards “saving” the marriage. This bias can lead to the pastor glossing over a … Continue reading "Cheater Still Blaming Spouse"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    A Powerful Quote About Trauma - Divorce Minister

    This past week I was blessed to spend time up at a cabin in Northern Minnesota. It was a wonderful time of memory making and relaxation with family. When I was driving back home yesterday, I was listening to an audio book. In particular, I am going through When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your … Continue reading "A Powerful Quote About Trauma"

    1 min read