Forgiveness is the Key – Part 2

I have a confession to make; I’m a terrible forgiver. Once I take offense, I have a very hard time letting go of my anger.

So I’ve found a way to short-circuit the process. Fresh emotional wounds often become infected with bitterness or resentment. The offense hardens into concrete, as we obsess about the wrong done against us.

But God has given us the tools to successfully cope.

Forgiveness is the key to set you free.

Avoiding Life-Crippling Emotions

Injury and anger can easily turn into hatred, bitterness and self-pity. Each of these emotions cripples me as a human being. It’s like dragging around a very heavy chain. To combat this, I fight back with the spiritual weapons God gave us.

The Unexpected Lawsuit

Several years ago, I ended up being sued by another Christian. My husband and I give many people rides to church. We help out in other ways too. This woman was one of our regulars. One day she and I got into a car crash while driving to a woman’s retreat. The accident was definitely my fault.

The next week, letters quickly arrived in my friend’s mailbox from various attorneys, offering their services. She hired one immediately.

I didn’t know about the lawsuit until two years later. After finding out, I had some key decisions to make.

It’s a sad fact, but sometimes the people you bless end up biting you. We had been friends for many years.

Unfortunately, my friend couldn’t resist the opportunity for quick, easy money. I discovered she had a hidden greed problem. She salved her conscience by declaring that she was actually suing our insurance company, not us.

But we were still “on the hook.” If she won a big settlement, we’d have to pay any cost above what the insurance covered.

Her betrayal caused poison to seep into my system. So how could I neutralize it? How could I stop damaging scar tissue from forming over my heart, and turning me bitter?

Simple—by fighting back spiritually with the powerful tools the Almighty has given all of us.

The Higher Stakes

Losing money was the least important thing about this lawsuit.

If I didn’t protect my heart, I could turn into an embittered, self-centered, feeble Christian. we already have too many of those in Christ’s kingdom.

Satan’s strategy was simple. Fill my heart with bitterness, so I’d refuse to help anyone else. So bitterness, self-pity and soul-killing resentment were what I needed to fight against.

The new wound in my heart needed to heal, not fester.

My Battle Begins

Doing the right thing spiritually is always a choice. Our emotions may be screaming, but walking in obedience to God’s principles is a powerful path which leads to freedom.

Spiritual Weapon #1: Pray for Your Enemies

⁴⁴But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, (Matthew 5:44 NIV)

Please notice that the Scripture tells us to pray for our enemies, not against them.

We are inviting God to minister to the people who hurt us.

Jesus modeled this on the cross when He prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:33-34 NIV).

I think the Lord averted a horrible divine judgement against the people in the crowd calling for Jesus to be crucified.

In Matthew 27, they invoked a curse upon themselves. After agreeing to give in to the people, Pilate washed his hands and proclaimed he was innocent of Jesus’ blood.

²⁵All the people answered, “His blood is on us and on our children!” (Matthew 27:25 NIV)

In other words, they accepted the guilt before of killing God’s Son, the sinless Lamb of God. If Jesus hadn’t prayed, asking His Heavenly Father to forgive them, I believe the judgment falling on this crowd would have been horrific.

Our Savior protected the people who caused His death, while He was hanging on the cross in agony.

But nothing keeps our heart soft like praying the Holy Spirit’s blessing on people who’ve hurt us.

Ironically, my biggest challenge turned out to be praying for her lawyer.

A Word about Abuse

I realize some people have suffered far worse abuse at the hands of their enemies than I have. Please pray for your enemies any way you can. Your emotions will be screaming, but God always blesses His children for obeying Him, especially when it’s very hard to do.

What I’ve discovered is you can’t keep hating someone and yet pray regularly for them. The more we pray, the less we hate.

Two More Spiritual Weapons

Spiritual Weapon #2: Don’t Keep Rehearsing the Offense

I don’t have a verse for this. But it’s just common sense. Reliving the offense over and over in our minds causes the injury to harden into concrete.

Whenever I find my thoughts slipping over into accusation, bitterness or resentment, I start asking the Holy Spirit to bless to that person. It’s a true battle, but one we can’t afford to lose. Fortunately, I already understood this principle before I heard about the lawsuit.

Spiritual Weapon #3: Return Good for Evil

Following this verse can be as simple as not badmouthing your enemy to other people. Both of us continued going to the same church. My husband Ralph and I kept the lawsuit quiet, only telling a few people. We told the church elders as the trial date drew nearer, because we needed prayer.

Ralph also let two mutual friends know, and they went to talk to this woman—but her heart didn’t change.

During that time, I took Proverbs 25 very seriously.

²¹If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat;
if he is thirsty, give him water to drink.
²²In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head,
and the Lord will reward you. (Proverbs 25:20-21 NIV)

We didn’t retaliate. We didn’t damage her reputation by telling the whole church about the lawsuit. If she needed prayer from us, she got it. Strangely enough, there wasn’t a break in fellowship. We had both loved this woman for many years, so we kept treating her with kindness.

I even continued to pick her up for church, since she lived nearby.

My Final Spiritual Weapon

Principle #4: Remind Yourself of God’s Sovereignty.

I started declaring that the outcome of the trial wasn’t up to the jury, the judge or the lawyers. The Almighty alone was in charge of what would be decided in that courtroom.

It took two more years before our case came to trial.

Finally, the night before the jury reached its verdict, I surrendered the outcome to God in a much deeper way.

It was tough, but finally, I could honestly say, “Whatever outcome You choose, Lord.”

That surrender included the possibility of my friend receiving a massive payout.

The jury read their verdict the next day. Their financial award ended up being thousands of dollars less than the settlement the insurance company had offered her family before the trial.

Epilogue

A lawyer from the insurance company defended us in the lawsuit, so it didn’t cost us a dime. Even better, State Farm let us know before the trial that since we were cooperating, they would pay any damages awarded above and beyond what we were insured for.

This took a lot of pressure off us and State Farm gained a customer for life.

After the trial ended, I stopped giving this woman rides, much to her surprise. I guess she didn’t expect the lawsuit to have any lasting consequences.

Soon after, she started attending a new church and I hope she’s happy. But personally, I’m convinced she’d sue me again at the first opportunity.

Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to be foolish.