How am I not respecting my spouse?

Are you sure you are not disrespecting your spouse?

Sometimes, we may believe our actions are acceptable until we notice changes in how our spouse interacts with us. There could be many factors to consider why a person changes, but we may not be aware that it could be because of how we treat them. 

In marriage, aside from trust, respect is one of the most vital ingredients to make it work and healthy. 

Yet, we have to understand that when it comes to a long-lasting and happy marriage, it is a long learning process. Every day you are with your spouse, you discover more about them, which is not always pleasing; that may sometimes lead you to lose your respect for them unknowingly. 

So, in this blog, let us discover some things we are doing that disrespect our spouse. Awareness of these things could help us avoid them and be more cautious to show our love for them.

How am I not respecting my spouse?

Respect is a cornerstone for a healthy and loving relationship in a marriage. However, it's not always clear how our actions or words might be disrespectful towards our spouse.

Here are ten ways in which a person might be disrespecting their spouse, often without even realizing it:

Ignoring their opinions

When you consistently disregard your spouse's views or ideas, it communicates that their thoughts are unimportant. It can make them feel undervalued and insignificant. Everyone has the right to be heard, especially in a partnership. 

You undermine the mutual respect essential in a marriage by not considering their perspectives. Actively listening and acknowledging their opinions is crucial, even during a disagreement.

Breaking promises

Failing to keep promises, no matter how small, erodes trust. It shows a lack of commitment to the words you speak and the plans you make together. This behavior can make your spouse feel they cannot rely on you, which is hurtful. 

Keeping promises is a fundamental part of demonstrating respect in any relationship. It's about valuing your spouse enough to follow through on your commitments.

Constant criticism

Continuously criticizing your spouse, especially for trivial matters, can be deeply hurtful. It can make them feel inadequate and unloved. Constructive feedback is different from nagging or belittling. 

Expressing concerns lovingly is essential, focusing on the issue rather than attacking their character. Remember, everyone has flaws, and kindness goes a long way.

Not valuing their time

Consistently being late or not prioritizing your time together shows a lack of respect for your spouse's time. It can make them feel like they are not your life's priority. Time is a valuable commodity, and how you spend it reflects your priorities. 

Being punctual and making time for each other is crucial in showing respect and valuing your relationship.

Lack of support

Not being supportive of your spouse's goals, dreams, or daily challenges can make them feel alone. A key aspect of respect is supporting and encouraging each other. 

It includes being there during tough times, celebrating successes, and showing interest in their aspirations. Your support can be a source of strength for your spouse.

Inappropriate jokes or comments

Making derogatory jokes or comments, even in jest, can be hurtful. It includes making fun of their appearance, intelligence, or abilities. Respect means honoring your spouse for who they are without demeaning them. 

Maintaining a sense of humor in a relationship is essential, but never at the expense of your spouse's feelings.

Not Involving them in decisions

Making significant decisions without consulting your spouse shows a lack of respect for them as your partner. It’s important to remember that marriage is a partnership, and meaningful choices should be made together. 

Involving them in big or small decisions signifies that you value their input and see them as equals in the relationship.

Disregarding their feelings

Ignoring your spouse's emotions or telling them they overreact is dismissive and disrespectful. Valuing their feelings is essential, even if you don’t fully understand them.

It shows that you care about their emotional well-being and respect their right to feel a certain way.

Privacy invasion

Using your spouse’s personal belongings without permission violates their privacy. Trust and respect are fundamental in a marriage, including respecting each other's personal space and privacy.

Maintaining boundaries and trust is essential, rather than giving in to suspicions or curiosity.

Comparing them to others

They are comparing your spouse unfavorably to others, whether friends, ex-partners, or fictional characters, can be incredibly hurtful. It creates unnecessary competition and can make them feel inadequate. 

Everyone is unique, and you must appreciate and respect your spouse for who they are, not who you want them to be.

Simple ways to know you are disrespecting your spouse

Being mindful of how we treat our spouse is crucial for maintaining a healthy and loving relationship. Sometimes, we may unknowingly disrespect our partner, so we must stay aware of our actions and words.

Here are five ways to be more conscious of potentially disrespectful behavior.

Reflect on your conversations: Take time to think about how you converse with your spouse. Are you interrupting them, dismissing their ideas, or always insisting on having the last word?

Reflecting on these aspects can help you recognize if you respect their right to express themselves and be heard.

Notice your body language: Non-verbal cues like rolling your eyes, crossing your arms, or not maintaining eye contact can convey disrespect.

Being aware of your body language during interactions with your spouse can reveal underlying attitudes and feelings that might be disrespectful.

Monitor your reactions during disagreements: Disagreements are natural but can quickly become disrespectful. Pay attention to how you react when you disagree. 

Are you quick to anger? Do you raise your voice or make hurtful comments? This self-awareness can help in maintaining respect even during conflicts.

Ask for their perspective: Sometimes, the best way to understand if you’re disrespectful is to ask your spouse directly. Encourage them to share their feelings about how they're being treated.

It not only shows your willingness to improve but also gives you direct insight into your behaviors that might be disrespectful.

Evaluate your supportiveness: Consider how you react to your spouse’s achievements, dreams, or even their daily stories. Are you supportive, or do you often minimize their experiences?

Assessing your level of support can help you determine if you're respecting their individuality and journey as your partner.

Respecting your spouse: A Christian marital guide

In conclusion, It is evident that respect in marriage extends beyond grand gestures; it's intricately woven into the fabric of our daily interactions.

As Christians, we are called to love and respect our spouses as we love ourselves, reflecting the love and grace God extends to us.

Ephesians 5:33 reminds us, "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." 

This scriptural wisdom guides us to be mindful and considerate in our words, actions, and attitudes. It's about cherishing and honoring our spouse, recognizing them as a precious gift from God. 

As we strive to be more aware of how we might unknowingly disrespect our partners, let's remember to seek God's guidance. Through prayer and reflection, we can grow in our understanding and ability to show genuine respect, deepening the love and bond in our marriage.