Keep Telling Your Story, Please! - Divorce Minister

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Telling the story of what happened is important if we want to change how people treat faithful spouses.

The larger narrative starts to change when people learn that their friend, colleague, or even family member was mistreated by a cheater. It changes because they are emotionally invested in you and your hurts matter to them. Obviously, this only works if they have empathy and truly care.

For the jaded:

Yes, some people really do care how faithful spouses are treated!

Yet sharing is hard.

I run a blog on these matters. However, I still feel icky bringing up the topic in conversation even years after running this blog and writing my book. It is hard.

But it is worth it.

Sure, some people do not receive the gift well. They push back with typical so called Christian responses like “needing to forgive,” “bitterness,” or some sort of “The Shared Responsibility Lie.”

That is fine. It does not change the fact that you courageously showed up. You gave them an opportunity to see you. It is on them if they choose to push you away with judgment and condemnation.

Please do not allow someone who cannot handle the gift to silence you. Your story needs to be heard. And it is your story!

Now, I don’t mean we have to share all the gory details full of colorful labels for our cheater. I am just saying that we need to come out of the shadows and be willing to be seen as someone who refuses to accept the silencing badge of shame for being cheated on.

Speaking up and being seen as a faithful spouse who survived a spouse’s infidelity is one real and tangible way we can start changing the world for good.

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*A version of this post ran previously.