One Word, Jealousy…

I stood for longer than I should in front of the mirror. I applied more make up. More body spray. More perfume.
I sniffed.
I really couldn’t help this.
I want people to see what I want them to see and not really who I am. It’s not because I didn’t own an identity, but because I didn’t feel my identity was enough. It had never been enough for society, it wouldn’t start now.
Everyone I know seems to be presenting more than an identity, they present their accomplishments and everything they’ve acquired in life. Then, why shouldn’t I present something too?
Even though it seems like what I could present right now was an over made face, beautiful outfits and shiny shoes. I guess I just have to present what I have.

I’ve been feeling apprehensive since sometime last month, when someone from my days in the university told me about a get together of course mates in my department.

Of course, I didn’t want to go. Until last week, it wasn’t even on my mind to attend. Sharon called, my best friend during my days in school. She called to be sure I was coming. I almost told her I couldn’t make it, but I couldn’t think of any excuse that wouldn’t pass out the message that I was scared or insecured. So here I am, preparing to go to a place where people would present their achievements. I’m a secondary school teacher, and hey, the pay is really good, but I couldn’t compare myself with Sharon who was a fashion designer and literally travels around the world. How can I even stand the accomplishments of others.
Isn’t that why I’m busy wearing everything I could that would make me look better than everyone else?

I sank into the bed.
Oh, Sharon..

‘I really do love her, God. But, why do I find myself slowly sinking in and almost in tears when she accomplishes something. It almost feels like, I’m at the backseat, while she’s there, always driving. Getting all the awards and achieving every thing she said she would. Am I that different? She’s my friend, yes, and I love her, but sometimes the jealous feeling just comes up and makes me feel like I’m not growing, or that there’s something both physically and spiritually wrong with my growth.’

One word, jealousy.
Darling, read :
Be grateful for your achievement and give yourself thumbs up for all you’ve achieved, it’ll probably not be as big as your friend’s, but it should be everything to you. It’s something you’ve worked on with your time and sweat. You should be proud of it, and work unrelentingly for more results.
Results come differently, but it’ll definitely come. I’ve never appreciated the idea of comparisons and weighing the achievements of people with yours. No.
Some persons haven’t even gotten to the stage you’re in right now, so no, you’re not stagnant. Don’t give in to how society judges your achievement, they’re not God, they never will be. They don’t know how long you’ve ran to achieve that, they don’t know the number of nights you’ve forsaken sleep just to get to the point you’re in right now.
When your friends achieve something, be genuinely grateful for them, like it’s yours. Well, it’s yours because if you’re both Christians you’re of one body. Who would hate his own body because he’s enjoying a benefit other parts of the body ain’t enjoying? Every promise in the Bible is for you, and as long as you live by its principles, it’ll surely come.
Just keep thanking God for every step you take up the ladder and give yourself thumbs up, because some persons are still on the floor and don’t even know a ladder to climb even exists.
So get up from that chair of self pity and jealousy, genuinely hug that sister who got that promotion, and shake the hands of the brother who got that new car. Thank God because a part of the Body of Christ is benefiting from the riches in Christ Jesus. Yours would surely come.
When I see a sister who posts a beautiful article on God, and it’s touching the minds of people, I genuinely thank God for making that darling contribute to the Kingdom of God. Just the way I contribute whenever and however I can.

“If you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing.”

Just like the above verse states, you’ve got to come out clean when you feel jealous. Not come out clean to anyone,

if you don’t want to, but especially to yourself. You’ve got to recognize the feeling of jealousy, so you can work on sending it to hell where it should be. Don’t create excuses for something that is true. It’ll make it hard for you to fight being jealous.

Don’t just quit here, if you’ve got traits of jealousy in you. It’s not healthy, honestly, and I understand that it’s quite impossible to get it out on your own. You can cast your cares on Jesus and ask him to help you fix this.
Be content and grateful.
Contentment is to be in a state of inner satisfaction, being grateful for what you have, inspite of what’s happening all around you. If you desire more, that desire should lead us to the bosom of Christ.
The rare jewel of Christian contentment will be yours when all that God is and all that He has done in Christ Jesus fills your heart. Anyone who turns to God will be satisfied.
“He will satisfy your needs in a sun scorched land” Is. 58:11
All my longings lie open before you, O LORD.
PSALM 38:9

To break the roots of jealousy, you’ve got to deal with your identity and self confidence. If you know what you’ve got, you wouldn’t be fighting for approval, you wouldn’t be wishing for the lives of people.
So, let’s get to the root. Who are you?

In my next post, we’ll discuss our identity. Discovering who you are, and being confident in who you are.

Yay! Thank you for taking your time to read through this. I’m still Idara, please don’t forget to drop comments, contributions or questions about this or anything else.
Remember, I’m available for discussions. Send me a message via my email address. It’s on my profile.

I love you, and God loves you even better.

Next time.

@just.idara

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