Our Eyes, Our Mindset..

Our eyes. Our mindset. Our laid down wishes.

The first time we met was during clearance. He was beautiful, but he was just there. I craved for experience. I liked him too, but I still craved for experience. I was looking for something else. I was looking for something only my eyes and brain could understand. He was sensible too, yet this is something only my eyes and brain could understand.

Ayo was always around. In my face. In my head. I loved him, yes, but no, he doesn’t have to follow me everywhere.

I was scared the husband God is keeping for me out there would see both of us together, and boom! That’s how I’d miss the one for me and start going to prayer houses when God forgets to keep an assistant husband for me.

I didn’t know what to do, but I was always carrying my brain with me. Everywhere we went to, I took my brain. To the market. To school. To the bedroom. I took my brain.

Sometimes, I’d forget my brain at the door of Ayo’s room and few hugs would happen. Kisses too.
My heart wondered why I’d go through such stress. My heart often wondered why it was left unused. Ha! This heart.
Whenever I pick my brain at the door, I’d scold it for embarrassing me. I’d scold my brain for not coming into Ayo’s room with me.

Ayo was everywhere.
He was around when mum didn’t have money to send for books and food.
He was around when that Lecturer rubbed my bum and I cried for days on his shoulders.
He was there when guys started coming with flowers and love letters.
Ayo, OMG, Ayo was around when I thought I was going to quit school and start learning how to sew. He made sure my head returned to default setting.
He was even around when proposals started coming in, yes, he stayed that long.

We talked about everything. Our parents who’d send money that wouldn’t last for a week. We talked about whose proposal to accept and whose backside we should kick out of existence.

Ayo was intelligent.
Twice a week I keep my brain outside his door. Don’t blame me.

When I started seeing Greg, Ayo would walk me to his street and wouldn’t leave until Greg drives me back to the hostel.
Twice, he stayed till past eleven, and when he sees I and Greg driving back to my hostel, Ayo starts the long walk down to his hostel.

Greg was everything my brain and eyes wanted. Greg was beautiful too —God even gave me jara. I remember one night I asked God who I was that He loved me so much.

I wanted Greg. Maybe I showed it so much. I was so sure we were gonna get married. Greg was God’s blessing to me.

The first day Greg hit me, Ayo broke Greg’s car lights. I slapped Ayo furiously, I told him the things he broke cost a fortune. He told me I was priceless and a car could be fixed if broken, but it was different with me. He said he wouldn’t let anyone break me. He walked away.

My heart remembered the day he said he’d beat up any cyclist who’d dare hit me in school.

I couldn’t find my heart. Everything I did around that time was just my brain and I. Everyone quarrels. Partners fight. No one is perfect. No matter what he did, I’d get married to him.
What else would I do if we don’t get married. All my friends know him? They’ve seen his business pictures taken at Dubai and Malaysia.

No.
Beat me, slap me. I’d want you over and over again.

Where was Ayo anyway? I just want him safe. Greg and Ayo. I don’t know if there was a competition for who hates each other more.

The night I found myself in the hospital. I was walking through a valley. I knew I was dying. But I wanted to see God. Dying people see God, but I only saw people making faces at me. Ugly faces. I shut my eyes, but I still saw them. One ugly mouth said he wanted my heart since I don’t use it.
I screamed.

I opened my eyes and saw Ayo. Ayo?! He was talking to a doctor. I heard ‘Heart failure.’ Ayo heard it too and cried. I wanted to reach out to him. I wanted to tell him that he’s one of my biggest blessings. And that I was sorry for looking for bigger blessings.

Hey. Where was Greg? I have his ring for Chrissake, he should be dying with me.

My eyes saw him shopping for a new baby with an elderly woman. Wait, I don’t have a baby. What’s happening?

God! Please I want my heart back. I’d use it this time. No? Can I tell Ayo he’s been a blessing from clearance day, but I was too blind to see? No? Another chance.

Note :
Darling,
There are blessings in your life. But you don’t see them because you’re waiting for mind blowing blessings and experiences.
The mind blowing blessings and experiences are already here. Your eyes don’t see them because you don’t want to see them. While you’re waiting for a plane load of your heart’s wishes, do well to thank God for the blessing of good friends. They can’t be bought.

©Uchenaya Joy, 2019

Thank you for reading, please like, comment and share. God bless you.