THE CONVERSATION

‘Go on,’ I said. ‘Tell God about it’.

She stared at me for a while, then started talking.
‘How do you guys do it? How do you run to God when everything is falling apart, but go missing from his presence when life is rosy and devoid of problems? See? I can’t do it. Our relationship with God should not be one sided. You act like the most righteous and spirit filled person when it seems like problems wouldn’t let you go, and when they finally give you a break? It’s just as if everything about Him bores you. Why don’t you act like the most righteous person everyday? It’s happening to me right now. For me, everything is lost. When I got the scholarship form, it went with me to different campgrounds. Everywhere I knew there was a vigil, my form and I would sit comfortable among the first group of people. I prayed. I fasted. I cried till my eyes swelled. I knew I’d gotten the scholarship even before it was submitted because I felt God would never look down on my tears and prayers, but I continued even after my form was submitted. Others had connection, but God was my own connection. A year ago when I got the scholarship and had to leave the country, I felt there was nothing I need from anyone now, even God. Free tuition. Free accommodation. Free feeding. Free clothing. Free books. I got allowances monthly, but I had them piled up in the bank. Life was the definition of perfect. Until I felt something is missing. I still go to church, but I just had the tag ‘Christian’, I went to church because I’ve been trained to know Sundays are for churches. No impact. It was just a routine. Not until I felt an emptiness in my life that I realized that I was just existing and while I was trying to define what I was feeling inside me, it happened. Yes. The lie happened. I was set up. My allowance in the bank got seized. My admission held until everything is being resolved by the court. The court would decide if I should remain here in Nigeria and get a cheap federal university or return and continue with the scholarship. My fate is in the hands of the court now, not even God. I’m sure he’s facing the other way now while I’m talking. I can’t even go down on my knees in prayer, he’ll kick me down the stairs of heaven into the stairs of Nigeria where I’ll definitely die, then return to him so he can send me finally to hell for being such… ‘

‘Hey! Wait.. God is love. I don’t know what that should mean to you, but it really means he’ll draw you back to His side. God doesn’t hate you and if he really wants to shoot you, He would never miss. When you ask for forgiveness, He’ll forgive you. This is just a reminder that without God, nothing makes sense. Sometimes, God uses problems to draw us back, because we all run back to him when it feels like the whole world is against you. Try Him. With your kneels down. Pour out your heart to Him. He’s still God. Not even you, my darling, can change who he is. Not even your sins, can make him decide to destroy the world again. He’s waiting. You may or may not get back the scholarship, but you’ve learned your lesson. And you know what’s even greater, you got God back. Good night.’

This is a short story, it’s aim is to tell you that there could be problems in your life right now, but it doesn’t mean God has given up on you yet. He’s using problems to draw you back to the creator. He doesn’t want you to ever lose sight of him.