“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.”

-I Corinthians 13:11, NIV

Most of my fellow pastors are ill-equipped to handle situations where adultery is present.

Seminary trains us in preaching, teaching, and doctrine. It is generally a poor training ground in helping us to be good shepherds in recognizing dangerous wolves, though. Good doctrine does not keep your flock safe from a sexual predator in your congregation, for example.

I think this is even worse in some circles where “secular” psychology is demonized and avoided at all costs. This produces environments rich for abusers–as Cheaters are–to thrive!

“One molester, who was himself a minister, said:

I consider church people easy to fool… they have a trust that comes from being Christians…. They tend to be better folks all around. And they seem to want to believe in the good that exists in all people…. I think they want to believe in people. And because of that, you can easily convince, with or without convincing words.”

-Salter, Anna C, Ph.D, Predators: Pedophiles, Rapists, & Other Sex Offenders, New York: Basic Books, 2003, pp28-29.

To be clear: I am NOT saying Cheaters are child molesters!

I AM saying they are abusers who benefit from the same trusting environment, though! Pastors pushing forgiveness with no reference to repentance–which is not biblical–creates an environment that enables the abuse of Cheaters.

Pastors (and congregants) have to become aware that we live in a world with predators and truly, mentally disordered people!

Some people enjoy doing evil and have no desire to forsake it. Our theology and practice needs to face this difficult reality. Trusting someone like this is inviting further damage that God does not want us to endure or tolerate.

I think God wants us to GROW UP ! To live as naive is not good enough. We need to stop falling for manipulations of abusers and set firm boundaries with them.

In other words, we have to be less trusting with Cheaters. They are proven liars and abusers. Their words mean nothing. Only actions can show true change and breaking the habit of living lies is hard to break.

The reality is adultery ought to be a death sentence to a marriage (see Mt. 1:19 and 19:9). Can marriages be resurrected? Sure. But those are miracles–i.e. out of the normal course of things. We need to stop it with magical thinking and face this difficult reality for the sake of saving adultery victims!