What Going Back to College After Trauma Taught Me
My life went through a drastic change when I left my abusive marriage in late 2018. Most of our 14 and a half years as husband and wife included me giving birth to 3 boys and raising them in the home, so when I was suddenly tasked with making a life for the 4 of us with very little support emotionally or financially, it was scary to say the least.
As I surveyed my life, I realized that as a single mother, it would be more beneficial to work towards a dream than to find something to just get by year-to-year. That dream was to graduate with my bachelor’s degree. I was even more pleasantly surprised when I realized that there were grants and loans that could help me supplement income while I worked as a substitute teacher at my kids’ school and studied at the same time.
It wasn’t an easy few years, but I finally accomplished my dream of walking the stage in a cap and gown for the very first time in my life after dropping out of high school at 16 years old due to my unstable childhood. Here I was in Gainesville, Florida at the University of Florida at 36 years old crying tears of joy knowing that I had done this even after a lifetime of trauma. I was also chosen to be the very first Online Student Commencement Speaker for the Graduating Class of 2022 because of my journey. It felt surreal in the greatest way.
Of course when you go to college, you learn a lot about different subjects, but what I never expected was to learn life lessons as a trauma survivor that have stuck with me far beyond those 4 years.
Dreams do not have an expiration date.
Your dreams don’t always come as expected or in your timeline. It doesn’t have to mean that you can’t accomplish them! The biggest regret that you will have is looking back on your life knowing that you never tried to fulfill your dreams.
No one can ever take your education from you.
Being a survivor of abuse and childhood trauma, I felt violated and as if I didn’t have a true free will. So much was taken from me, but the moment that I walked that stage and was handed that diploma, no one could ever steal my education, achievements, or that feeling from me. It was mine, and I had complete control of what I did with it.
Your journey in life will be different than others’, and that is okay!
Most of the students around me were much younger than me. It would be easy to feel embarrassed or like I didn’t belong, but instead, I realized that I had something to offer them just as much as they had to offer me. I don’t think I would have savored the moment as much if I had not endured all that I did. It allowed me to truly appreciate every second.
You deserve to invest in yourself!
I lived my life putting everyone and everything before myself. I didn’t think I deserved to spend money, time, or energy on things that I deemed to be somewhat “selfish.” I realized through going back to school that I was worth every bit of investment into my present and future goals, whether it was for my health, profession, or anything else. I also recognized that I was worth finding. Going on a journey of self-discovery is one of the greatest gifts that you will ever give yourself.
If it’s your dream to go back to college or a trade school, my greatest advice is simply to do it. You can be 18 or 58 years old, and both are just as outstanding.
You deserve your dreams. Go out there and conquer them.
