45 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

-Luke 6:45, NIV

Cheating is the manifestation of what the Cheater stored up in his or her own heart.

This is an important point to understand when dealing with infidelity for multiple reasons:

First, the behavior is ultimately simply the tip of the problem. We have all the issues that arise from someone who has cultivated evil in their heart. Cheating is the manifestation of that evil.

Second, any attempt to solve the infidelity issues as a marriage problem is doomed. Jesus is clear here that the sin flows from the heart of the sinner. Any attempt to focus on something else is a waste of time. Repentance by the Cheater ought to be the sole focus.

Third, no shared responsibility exists–even a minor part–for the faithful spouse. They did not store up wickedness in their heart that manifested in adultery. The Cheater DID. So, that means the Cheater owns it completely.

Returning to the point about how cheating comes after someone has stored it up in their hearts, I suggest the issues are tied to lies that Cheaters believe and cultivate. At some point, they decided that cheating was okay for them to do. That point is where the evil was stored up in their heart. It just manifested later.

When pastors or other Christian leaders fail to expose the lies leading to the cheating, they are doing everyone a disservice.

Blaming the marriage or the faithful spouse leads to further darkness and protection of those lies. It ultimately fails both sides spiritually as the Cheater remains in darkness and the faithful spouse is further abused, in my opinion.

A fruitful line of inquiry is to ask the Cheater what they have been storing up in their heart. What lies did or do they believe about the cheating? What then is the truth?

Cheating is merely the manifestation of a heart that has been treasuring up wickedness. Sadly, MUCH has to be uprooted for healthy growth to take place spiritually in such a person.