When You're Stuck in Sin
Seven years. That’s the length of time I wrestled with an eating disorder and addiction to exercise. Everything within me knew it was wrong, yet my flesh clung to what it thought was control.
During those seven years, I was a person I’m not proud of. I hurt God and those around me–everyone I loved and cared about. Looking back, I wish I could take those years back. I wish I could take back the damage I did to my body and those who got wounded during the calamity. I prayed and asked God for help, but felt helpless. I knew what I needed to do—ask for help— instead, I avoided confession.
Until the day God broke my foot. Landing a double pirouette incorrectly, my body crumpled to the ground. A quick visit to the ER resulted in 4-6 months of recovery. It took me a month to grapple with this reality, and weeks to stop blaming God. I’ll never forget our dialogue:
“Why would you do this to me?” I asked the Lord.
“You know why,” He responded.
Satan is a mastermind (2 Corinthians 11:14). He disguises himself as everything we desire. But he only holds power over those who believe his lies (John 8:44). I was once a victim. A false perception of control convinced me that if I ate less and exercised more, somehow it would stop my chaotic home life from crumbling. The reality: It didn’t. A hollowed childhood and a lifeless body are what I received in exchange.
It wasn’t until God broke my foot that I repented of my sin and asked God to transform this part of my life. Salvation entered my mind when I was eight. A deeper transformation of the heart resulted at 20. Because I’d given God part of my heart then, but all of my heart now.
At first, shame and fear knocked on my door. This testimony remained hidden for years because judgment convinced me I was unworthy of second, third, fourth, and fifth chances–unworthy of forgiveness and love. That’s not what God’s Word says (Matthew 18:21-22).
If you’re struggling with sin, I want to encourage you that Christ loves you. No matter what. But He loves you too much to leave you where you are. It took breaking my foot to get my attention. It might take breaking pieces of what you think is important to get yours.
Friends, sin is inherent to all of us (Romans 3:23). We’ve all fallen short of the glory of God, and though we’re saved by grace through faith (Ephesians 2:8-9), sin will still sit and perch at your door (Genesis 4:7). Satan is a hungry lion, prowling around, ready to devour (1 Peter 5:8). You’re going to mess up, stumble, and fall. But God isn’t judging you–He’s whispering “Come close, repent, and live” (Acts 3:19; Matthew 4:17; Luke 5:32; Mark 1:15)
Question for Reflection:
Some sins in life are easier to avoid than others. Maybe you’re good at keeping harsh comments inside your head but struggle with an addiction or pride. God tells us if we come boldly to His throne–about anything– He hears us and cares (Hebrews 4:16). Take some time to confess your sin to the Lord. Repent, and talk with Him openly about your struggles. Ask Him to help you conquer whatever it is, one day at a time. Then, when you feel ready, share these confessions with a friend. Ask them to pray with you, and keep you accountable.
