Wife Hides $47,000 from Husband as An Escape Fund

Wife Hides $47,000 from Husband as An Escape Fund

On social media this past week, a story was floating around of a 34-year-old wife who hid $47,000 from her husband in what she calls an escape fund. The woman was advised by her mother to set aside money as an escape fund if her marriage doesn’t work out.

The woman shared that her husband is a healthy hard worker who has not exhibited any unsafe traits. Thus, she has every reason to trust him but she took her mom’s advice. The husband got hurt at work and the family of two took a financial hit that caused them to struggle. The wife was a stay-at-home wife.

The husband took on two jobs and drove for Uber to keep up their lifestyle. All the while, the wife still had not shared about her secret stash. The husband suggested they down-size to which the wife disagreed. When the husband examined the bank account(s) to review their finances—he saw her taking withdrawals out over some time. When he asked her about it—she then confessed.

The husband felt let down as if his wife did not fully trust him and he left to stay with his brother. The mom; then, readvised her daughter this was the whole reason she needed to put the money aside to escape now. The wife wanted to know if she was wrong when she wrote a blog for advice. She wanted to know if she should have used the money to help her husband while the couple was struggling financially.

My thoughts are to avoid allowing others to project their fears onto you and anyone who chooses to be married will have to be willing to take some risk. When we fully trust someone—we are willing to take the risk of what if it doesn’t work out.

Secondly, if she felt she needed a backup plan in case it did not work out—she should have brought that up in marriage counseling or at the beginning of the marriage so that it would be out on the table. Further, she could have used wisdom to build a business from home like many stay-at-home wives do to have something they are passionate about and to make money to save for themselves.

The way she went about it was a blow to the husband’s character. Anyone choosing to be in a marriage will have to be willing to make some sacrifices for the marriage above one’s selfish motives.

Be Careful to Avoid Others Projecting Their Fears on You

Unfortunately, the mom has been impacted in some type of way to feel it necessary to share what she did with her daughter. Some women do share negative stories they’ve experienced or observed from other women. Some of these experiences produce fears in women of the what-ifs. These fears are real. There is a real risk of a marriage not working out. People change sometimes despite how diligent we are in discerning the character.

In those instances, we have to trust God. God is the one who is our source and supplies our every need. We can know that if we have to cross that path of divorce or separation; God will give us the wisdom to still be okay and to get back on our feet. There are many testimonies of women who have made it out of those types of scenarios.

Finally, if we are marrying someone we trust—we should be able to be vulnerable with them about this fear. We can even ask him how can we come up with resolutions to resolve that fear. If your husband loves you—he may help you to set up some sort of fund for yourself. Usually, men don’t want to see anyone they love unprovided for. It’s a part of their nature when they genuinely love a woman or their children. Hence, the man in this scenario working two jobs and driving for Uber. In short, if we can trust a man to want to marry him—we should be able to trust him to be vulnerable with him regarding our fears. The question is, “Was this the woman’s fear or her mother’s fear?” It seemed more of her mother’s fear.

Lesson: don’t allow anyone else to project their fears on you causing you to act outside of your character. Instead, learn to discern your fears from those projected on you and shut the door when others project their fears onto you. Use wisdom in setting up money for yourself as there is wisdom in this by seeking to start a business or work part-time to have your own funds.

You can share that you want to have something for yourself to find fulfillment and exercise your passion. This is normally the case for most human beings. We all want to contribute something meaningful to society. This is a less harmful way to make money and set something aside for the future.

Those who Marry will have to be willing to take risk

There is no doubt that women who are stay-at-home wives can be vulnerable to instability when with the wrong type of man. The wrong type of man can be a man who uses his money to manipulate things getting what he wants by not working on his character to attract it but trusting in his money to manipulate surface-level people.

This is why it’s so important to be careful not to choose a man because of his money but rather his upstanding and godly character. Honestly, it takes time to find this type of man and to find one we also share an attraction toward.

Hence, the importance of blocking out negative voices that condemn women for being single at older ages. It takes how long it takes. Because marriage is such a huge risk—proper investigation before marriage is necessary.

People will talk about us whether we are being cautious of our romantic choices or not. We may as well have people to talk about us and make the best decision for ourselves so we can reap the benefits. After all, we are the ones who have to live with our decisions.

To attempt to lessen the risk—perhaps a deep dive within pre-marital counseling should cover the couple’s view on money, fears concerning money and stability, and plans to work together to protect one another from these fears. If we cannot be vulnerable enough to share our fears with someone—we should not marry that someone.

Trust is a foundation for a healthy lasting marriage relationship

Trust is that inner conviction that I’ll be safe with the person I’ve chosen. S/he will always have my back. We normally feel this way with friends and family and of course our spouse. If we cannot trust our spouse, we should not be with our spouse. The woman in this scenario shared that her husband gave no reason for distrust. Instead, the married woman introduced distrust into her marriage by showing she did not fully trust her husband. He was taken by surprise by all of this because he had no clue. I’m sure he felt like a fool. Maybe, he felt like everything he was building was a lie. That’s how we feel when trust is broken whether through cheating, lying, or dishonesty.

Distrust makes it hard to look at a partner the same after indiscretion. On top of the mistrust, the wife showed her self-preservation over the preservation of the health of the marriage. This is a lot for a man. It’s hard to come back from but I believe it’s possible. She did not have her husband’s back. Marriage requires vulnerability and a willingness to work together. It takes trust for this to take place.

Trust has to be rebuilt when it is broken

Another foundation in marriage is grace and forgiveness. Both parties in marriage have to remember there is no manual on how to have a perfect marriage. Most people experiencing marriage for the first time will make some mistakes. The thing is to learn from our mistakes and to be repentant about our wrongs. Remember repentance is to have a change of heart mind and actions. This will take vulnerability and growth. It will also take a willingness from both sides of a marriage. Prayerfully, the woman can examine herself and get some help with her thinking. If she can show overtime, she genuinely trusts her husband—he may be willing to reconcile.