Circle of friends: How to cut off a toxic friendship
Do you find yourself in a situation where you have been friends with someone for a long time, but something just does not feel right anymore?
Are you grappling with the weight of a friendship that seems to be draining your energy and faith?
As a Christian, you may have encountered the challenge of toxic friendships. You may know how they leave you feeling conflicted and spiritually drained. It is a tough place to be in, is it not?
What do you do in such a situation? How can you maintain your faith and peace while navigating the complexities of a toxic friendship?
In this article, we will explore the challenges of toxic friendships within the context of the Christian faith. Moreover, we will guide you on how to make the difficult decision to cut off toxic ties while still embodying love and compassion.
Friendship in the Bible
In the Bible, there are varying levels of meaning attached to friendship.
At its most basic level, a friend is simply an associate, someone you might call "the other fellow" in your interactions.
Even in Jesus' parables, you will find instances where individuals are addressed as "comrade" without necessarily implying a deep bond. In fact, Jesus himself used this term when addressing Judas in the garden, saying, "Friend, do what you came for" (Matt 26:50).
However, as we delve deeper into the biblical notion of friendship, we encounter a more intriguing and theologically significant dimension. This involves not only association but also loyalty.
In instances such as the "king's friend,” we see a friend serving as a trusted advisor to a king or belonging to a privileged class of nobles during the Maccabean period.
Yet, the Bible also highlights friendships that go beyond mere association and loyalty; they involve a profound level of affection.
The scripture speaks of "a friend who sticks closer than a brother" (Prov 18:24), illustrating the depth of emotional connection.
It is a bond characterized by unwavering loyalty and genuine care.
Toxic friendship
While there are indeed healthy and biblical forms of friendship, it is crucial to recognize that some friendships can sour over time and become toxic.
You can identify such toxic friendships by paying attention to the following signs.
Taking advantage of you
Your friend consistently asks you for financial help, knowing you are a kind and giving person. They borrow money without repaying it or show up uninvited at your home, expecting you to cater to their needs without consideration for your own.
Does not help you take accountability
When you confide in your friend about a mistake you have made and seek their guidance on how to make amends, they dismiss your concerns and encourage you to avoid responsibility rather than helping you find a path to make things right.
Friends with you for selfish reasons
Your friend seems only interested in your friendship when they need something from you, whether it is a ride to church events, help with their chores, or someone to listen to their problems. They are notably absent when you need their support.
Unsupportive
During a challenging time in your life, like facing a moral dilemma or spiritual crisis, your friend does not offer a listening ear or provide any comforting words of wisdom. They seem indifferent to your struggles and show little empathy.
Conditional friendship
Your friend's affection and loyalty depend solely on whether you comply with their demands or conform to their expectations. If you express differing opinions or make choices that do not align with their beliefs, they withdraw their friendship.
Drag you into temptation
Instead of encouraging you to stay faithful to your Christian values, your friend consistently invites you to engage in activities that lead you away from your spiritual path, such as excessive partying, gossiping, or pursuing materialistic desires.
Pressure you to be someone you are not
Whenever you express your genuine thoughts, feelings, or beliefs, your friend ridicules or dismisses them. They pressure you to conform to their worldview, making it challenging for you to stay true to your authentic self and your faith.
The struggle of moving away
Identifying a toxic friendship can be a challenging task in itself, but what can be even more difficult is the process of moving away from it.
As a Christian, you may find it especially tough because your values emphasize forgiveness, compassion, and long-lasting relationships.
However, when you continue to stay in a toxic friend group, the effects can be detrimental to your emotional well-being.
Furthermore, as you persist in these unhealthy relationships, you risk losing sight of your own identity and values.
Your faith may become compromised as you compromise your beliefs to fit in with the toxic friend group, causing inner turmoil and a sense of spiritual disconnection.
How to deal with toxic friends
You can biblically deal with toxic friends. Here are some of the following ways.
Think what would Jesus do
When dealing with toxic friends, it is essential to remember how Jesus approached people. He did not view them as personal irritants but as individuals in need of guidance and love.
Jesus recognized that without His love and grace, they might be lost.
So, in your situation, try to look at all people, even those who bring toxicity into your life, with a measure of compassion. This perspective allows you to address their behavior with love and understanding, mirroring Jesus' approach.
Turn the other cheek
It is not about becoming a doormat and allowing people to mistreat you without consequences.
Instead, this principle from Jesus suggests that sometimes, for the sake of another person who may be consumed by selfishness, we might choose to give up our rights, even when it is painful. This self-denial can be a powerful catalyst for the toxic person's repentance (as discussed in Romans 12:9-21). However, be cautious not to enable their harmful behavior.
By "blessing those who curse you" rather than reacting in kind, you may help them recognize their pride and arrogance.
Stand strong and speak your faith
In the face of toxic relationships, it is important to stand firm in your faith and values.
Speak up about your beliefs and boundaries, firmly but lovingly.
Let your faith guide your actions and words, even if it means confronting the toxicity and setting clear boundaries in the relationship.
Walk away if needed
Sometimes, despite your efforts, toxic friendships may persist in harming your well-being and spiritual growth.
In such cases, it is acceptable, and sometimes necessary, to walk away from the toxic relationship. This action can be an act of self-preservation. It protects your emotional and spiritual health, and allows space for the possibility of personal growth and change for both you and the toxic friend.
How to cut off toxic friends
If you find it necessary to cut off toxic friends from your life, remember that there is no shame in doing so.
Even Jesus, as recounted in Matthew's teachings, took actions to distance himself from those whose actions and intentions were contrary to His divine purpose.
Be willing to be alone only with God
Cutting off toxic friends may sometimes lead to solitude. But it can also be an opportunity for a deeper connection with God.
By choosing to spend time alone with Him, you can find solace, guidance, and strength in your faith journey.
Pray for them
Even when ending a toxic friendship, it is important to keep these individuals in your prayers. Pray for their well-being, growth, and transformation.
Your prayers can be a powerful force for change in their lives. Moreover, they can be a reflection of your Christian compassion.
Do not put them down to build yourself up
When distancing yourself from toxic friends, refrain from speaking ill of them or belittling them to elevate your position. Maintain a sense of dignity and respect in your actions and words. Remember the importance of reflecting Christ's love in all situations.
Confront with respect
If you decide to confront the toxic behavior of your friends, approach the conversation with respect and empathy. Express your concerns and boundaries calmly and honestly. Moreover, do so to foster understanding and potential reconciliation.
Seek counsel
It can be helpful to seek counsel from trusted friends, family members, or spiritual advisors. Their insights and guidance can provide you with valuable perspectives and support as you navigate the complexities of ending such relationships while upholding your Christian values.
Protect your peace
As a Christian, prioritize what you believe protects your inner peace when dealing with toxic friendships. Trust your instincts and lean on your faith to guide your decisions. Remember that protecting your peace does not mean you are turning your back on Christian values. Rather, it is about safeguarding your emotional and spiritual well-being.
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