How do we compromise in marriage?

Marriage requires long-lasting endurance to make it work. Not everyone knows that fancy wedding bells are just the beginning of commitment and the fulfillment of vows.

So, as they say, “It takes two to tango,” which means no marriage would work with only one person making an effort. It means compromising in marriage is never one-sided. 

Moreover, we need to understand that, though you and your spouse are united through the sacraments of marriage, you still have differences. 

Thus, the longer you stay together, the more differences you discover.

Understanding compromise in marriage

Compromise in marriage is about maintaining personal values, beliefs, opinions, and preferences while meeting halfway with your spouse. 

It is not about entirely agreeing with your partner. 

A healthy compromise is also about finding a balance and filling the gap so both partners feel heard and understood and can think of an effective solution. 

Besides, this balance could result in a healthier marriage and positive growth for each individual.

How do we compromise in marriage

One of the everyday struggles in marriage is compromising. 

It is unhealthy if only one person does most of the heavy lifting. This person, either the husband or the wife, could feel taken advantage of and grow tired, stressed, and resentful over time.

So, if we want our marriage to grow healthy and last long, then both people should consistently sacrifice something to agree. 

Although it may not always be easy, that is what unconditional love means. 

Here are some ways to help you compromise in marriage.

Communicate

Marriage is not a guessing game, so we cannot always expect our spouse to know what we want and need. 

Sometimes, we expect them to be sensitive enough to know our desires; if they do not, it could result in another disagreement. 

However, we need to tell it the right way because sometimes our tone and assumptions could also be another cause of arguments. 

More so, we should not make demands on our spouse when we tell them what we want. 

For instance, you do not want to avoid living with your in-laws, even though it could help you save money. Thus, you have to tell it in a way that he will understand your point and not start a fight.

 Communicating what we feel is about having a good motive and using a proper way to say it.

Listen to understand, not to react

James 1:19 says, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”

Compromise in marriage is about listening first before reacting to what our spouse wants. 

Sometimes, married couples fail to listen and understand because they want to insist on their point. Yet nothing would be resolved if we kept reacting without knowing their side and controlling our mouth.

Both spouses should learn not to interrupt and let their partner finish talking before responding. 

Remember that you and your spouse could discuss the problem rather than fight. So, when you listen, understand their situation without any sarcasm.

Consider all options

Decision-making in marriage is not just about your own happiness but also for the sake of your spouse and your children. Thus, considering all options is crucial to a compromise in marriage. 

If you are about to make a significant decision, you and your spouse should sit together and weigh all options. 

Note all the considerations to make sure you recognize the feelings and opinions of your spouse. 

For instance, you want to accept a job opportunity a hundred miles from home. You want you and your family to relocate and start a new life there.

Although this is your chance to experience career growth and self-fulfillment, you must also consider how your spouse would feel. If you have kids, you would also need to consider that.

Furthermore, you will also need to look at your budget, the environment, the weather, etc. Remember that this is not your decision but a team decision with your spouse.

Trust whoever is better

Compromise in marriage is a way to show your trust in your partner. If your spouse is better at handling money, let them do the budgeting. 

Also, if your partner is better at cooking, let them cook. In other words, we must let our spouses do what they do better than us. 

Doing it this way makes it easier for both to help each other and be on the team because the weakness of one is the strength of the other. 

Lighten each one’s burden

Gone are the days when women should be responsible for all the household chores while men work and provide for their needs. 

Nowadays, mothers are also working, so we cannot expect them to do all household chores while caring for their children.

Husbands should be sensitive enough to help in whatever way they can to lighten up their wives' loads and vice versa. 

You can talk about making a schedule for who will cook dinner, wash the dishes, or do the laundry.

Thus, compromise means making adjustments even if you are not used to it. This helps you both to loosen up with so much on your plates so you can still have time for each other.

After all, marriage is about teamwork in everything, including small things.

Never selfish

Compromising is not about asking and demanding too much of your spouse. The goal of compromise in marriage is not about manipulating your partner with what you want but about understanding their needs.

Besides, you should never make your spouse feel guilty if they do not sacrifice more in your marriage. 

Some spouses give their partner silent treatment or verbally abuse them just to get what they want. 

If we wanted a healthy marriage, both parties should be interested enough to be humble and have a winning character to settle the issue and reach an agreement.

Maintaining unique identities

Compromise in marriage is not about losing yourself to give in to what your partner wants. However, it is about maintaining your uniqueness while giving in to your spouse.

Nevertheless, compromise in marriage aims to maintain a healthy relationship while coming together to solve disagreements. You should not give up so much that you are already losing your identity. 

It could lead to losing self-esteem just to give in to your spouse's desires. It endangers individuality and uniqueness instead of empowering you to flourish within your marriage.

Love is about endurance 

Compromise in your marriage is just one part of all your sacrifices to make it work and healthy. 

It is all about enduring all differences daily and meeting halfway to maintain love and respect for each other.

Though it may seem impossible to compromise, it is a choice you would have to make every day. 

It is a commitment to make adjustments and be flexible to ensure you are not the only one gaining from the relationship.

We should rejoice and enjoy our endurance in marriage because perseverance teaches us how to love our spouse more. Our persistence will lead us to be patient and understand our partners' needs and wants. 

More importantly, our endurance would bring out the character we need to make our marriage happy and healthy.