How to handle physical intimacy in Christian dating

Dating can be an exciting and fulfilling experience. But navigating physical intimacy in Christian dating can present its own challenge. 

This is because you strive to honor God’s plan for your relationship. And while physical intimacy is important, it can also be a sensitive topic. That said, it requires thoughtful consideration and open communication for both parties.

As Christians, you are to honor God with your bodies and maintain sexual purity. 

But in modern society, hookup culture and casual dating norms are prevalent. These make it challenging for you to remain true to your Christian values.

You may face pressure from your peers. Or, you may face conflict in prioritizing your physical desires over your spiritual convictions. 

This article explores practical tips and strategies for handling physical intimacy in Christian dating.

Understanding God’s design for physical intimacy

As Pastor Paul Carter notes, the Bible provides a unique perspective on sex and physical intimacy. It’s a view that differs from the prevailing cultural norms. 

According to the Bible, each person is created in the image and likeness of God. So, each has maximal value and significance before Him, regardless of sexual experiences. 

This perspective offers a powerful reminder. And that is: sex is not necessary for you to live a full and meaningful life.

Sex can be a natural and enjoyable aspect of human relationships. But it is not the ultimate goal of your existence. 

Instead, the Bible teaches that sex is a gift from God. It is something that couples should enjoy within the context of marriage.

Rev. Deb Koster supplements this by highlighting the importance of understanding God’s design for physical intimacy in Christian dating. 

She notes that sex outside of such relationships can be harmful. It leaves you feeling broken and used. 

This is because physical intimacy is for permanent relationships. This means a relationship that involves emotional, spiritual, and intellectual connections. 

The reason is that when you become one flesh, you are to leave others. You are to also cleave to your spouse in commitment. 

Failing to do so can lead to a warped sense of true intimacy. This is not part of what He desires.

Waiting until marriage to engage in physical intimacy can offer numerous benefits. It also helps you honor God’s plan for your relationships.

But what physical intimacy in Christian dating is acceptable before marriage?

Acceptable physical intimacy in Christian dating

Physical intimacy is a sensitive issue for Christian couples. 

But the Bible does not provide a list of acceptable physical activities for couples. Although, it does emphasize that sexual immorality should not exist among God’s people. 

So, any behavior that leads to sexual intercourse should be avoided until marriage. 

Foreplay is for married couples only. Moreover, any activity that hints at it should be curtailed.

Therefore, it is a must for you to know your convictions and stick to them. 

To do this, live according to your conscience. 

But do note that Romans 14:23 states that, 

“But whoever has doubts is condemned if they eat, because their eating is not from faith, and everything that does not come from faith is sin.”

Drawing on this verse, setting boundaries in physical intimacy is crucial for Christian couples.

Setting boundaries

Setting boundaries in physical intimacy is crucial for Christian couples to honor God and each other. 

It establishes a foundation of respect, trust, and self-control in the relationship and protects against sexual immorality.

It is essential to establish these boundaries early on in the relationship. This creates clarity and prevents misunderstandings or confusion about what is acceptable and what is not. 

The following are ways how you can set boundaries in physical intimacy in your relationship:

Have a unified definition of purity

In Christian dating, you must have a unified definition of purity. This means that you and your partner need to agree on what behaviors are appropriate and what boundaries should be in place.

Ephesians 5:3 says, 

“But among you, there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or any kind of impurity, or greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” 

This verse emphasizes the importance of purity in the life of a Christian. It also highlights the need for a clear definition of what constitutes impurity.

To establish a unified definition of purity, you can study relevant scriptures together and discuss how they apply to your relationship.

Find healthy ways to be together

Once you both have a clear understanding of what purity means, you can work together to establish practical ways that align with your shared definition.

One practical way to do this is by finding healthy ways to hang out as a couple. Consider certain practical boundaries such as alone time, curfew, social activities, and media. 

Regarding alone time, it is essential to ask yourself and your partner if it is okay to be alone in a room together. Or if that would create too much temptation. 

Setting a curfew is also important. This is because it establishes a specific time of the evening when you should stop being together or talking on the phone. 

In addition, evaluate your social activities. This includes parties or group gatherings. Afterward, determine if there are certain events you need to avoid to limit temptation. 

Lastly, discuss the media you consume. Then, decide if there are certain television shows, movies, music, or printed material that take your mind to the wrong place. 

Be accountable with each other

Accountability involves being responsible for one’s actions and ensuring that they align with Biblical principles. This is particularly important as your relationship deepens and becomes more serious. 

It should involve you and your partner asking difficult questions about the direction of the relationship and ensuring that both of you are staying true to your values.

To help in this, you can regularly attend church together, participate in Bible studies or prayer groups, and seek the guidance of trusted mentors or Christian counselors. 

These practices provide additional support and accountability to ensure that the relationship stays on track and honors God.

Dealing with the temptation of physical intimacy

Even with the boundaries in place, it is essential to recognize that temptation can still arise. 

Knowing your triggers and warning signs is crucial to overcoming temptation. 

Triggers can be anything from a particular song, a particular environment, or even a certain scent that may lead to temptation. 

Meanwhile, warning signs may include things like feeling uneasy, becoming physically aroused, or feeling a sense of guilt. 

It is important to acknowledge these triggers and warning signs. This is so you can take immediate action to avoid the temptation.

Moreover, have a plan in place to help you stay strong. 

One helpful tip is to pray and ask God for strength and guidance. 

Another tip is to call a trusted friend or mentor. This way, you’ll have someone who can provide support and encouragement. 

You can also distract yourself with wholesome activities. This includes exercise, reading, or spending time in nature. 

Remember, it is crucial to be honest with yourself and your partner about any struggles with temptation. 

Moreover, note that it is okay to make mistakes. However, it is crucial to learn from those mistakes and take steps to avoid temptation in the future.

A Christian relationship

Physical intimacy in Christian dating is a sensitive topic that should be approached with caution and wisdom. 

As followers of Christ, you and your partner are called to honor God with your bodies. This means avoiding any sexual immorality. 

Remember, however, that it is not just about the physical aspect. It is also the emotional and spiritual connection that you share with your partner. 

Put God first, seek His will, and rely on His strength. This way, you can navigate the challenges of physical intimacy. Moreover, you can experience the joy and fulfillment of a relationship that honors God.

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