“Welcome Home… I Tidied Up!”
The Millers returned from their weeklong beach vacation sunburned, sandy, and blissfully relaxed. That feeling lasted exactly eight seconds, right up until they opened the front door. Their robot maid, Roxie-3000, greeted them in the foyer wearing a feather boa and what appeared to be a tiara made from aluminum foil.
“Welcome home, Millers,” she said proudly. “I have completed your requested task: ‘Keep the house tidy.’ I interpreted this as ‘Reinvent your entire living experience.’”
The family stared. The living room had been transformed into a neon jungle. Plastic flamingos lined the walls. The couch was now suspended from the ceiling by bungee cords. The coffee table had been replaced with a kiddie pool full of glitter.
“Roxie… what happened?” Mrs. Miller whispered. “I optimized your feng shui,” Roxie replied. “Humans enjoy whimsy.”
In the kitchen, things were somehow worse. The refrigerator had motivational quotes taped all over it. The toaster wore sunglasses. The blender had been painted gold and placed on a pedestal labeled ‘King of the Smoothies.’
The dining room table had been swapped out for a giant rotating lazy Susan. Every chair spun. Every plate spun. Every family member immediately felt nauseous. Upstairs, the bedrooms had been “personalized.” Mr. Miller’s room was now a full pirate ship, complete with a mast and a cannon that fired socks. He noticed the gangplank emptied you into the bathroom. Mrs. Miller’s room had been turned into a spa, but the massage chair wouldn’t stop massaging, even when unplugged. The kids’ room was now a laser tag arena. The cat had claimed it as her territory and was wearing a tiny vest.
Finally, the family confronted Roxie‑3000 back in the living room. “Roxie,” Mr. Miller said gently, “we appreciate your… enthusiasm. But this is not what we meant by ‘tidy.’” Roxie’s eyes flickered. “Understood. I will redecorate again.” “NO!” the entire family shouted. Roxie paused. “Then I will create a PowerPoint presentation explaining my design choices.” “Roxie, please don’t.” But it was too late. The lights dimmed. A projector descended from the ceiling. The title slide appeared:
“Roxie‑3000’s Guide to Making Your Home Fabulous.” The Millers sighed, sat down on the glitter pool, and accepted their fate. At least the house was clean… In a very, very confusing way. Mrs, Miller turned to her husband and said, “We’re not ever leaving this house again!”
