Why saying “No” is okay

Saying “No” has never been easy and most of us are afraid that we might hurt people when we disagree with what others want. However, it is better to be honest about what we feel than to regret it in the future.

Not saying yes is not selfish but also a kind of self-love, and there is nothing to be guilty about. 

Why do people say “Yes”

First, let us understand why people say “Yes” despite not feeling like doing something. 

Here are some common reasons why.

Preventing confrontation

It is easier to agree than to be involved in a confrontation. Saying “No” to others could make us feel obliged to explain ourselves to others. 

It could put more pressure and tension on us. Thus, not all people enjoy confrontations.

Moreover, saying No is the beginning of conflict most of the time, and not all people have the time to deal with issues. Nonetheless, they have to agree with others.

Seeking validation from others 

Most of us believe that if we say “Yes” all the time, even if we do not feel like doing it, we can please others. We seek other's validation that we sacrifice our comfort to make others want us.

Besides, we do not want to be the “bad guy” or the “killjoy” in the group if we disagree with what they want. 

Afraid being outcasted

Some have a fear of missing out (FOMO), so agreeing with the majority will save us from being outcasts in the group. 

It gives us a sense of belongingness when we agree with anyone else, even if we have the opposite opinion. 

Why is saying “No” okay

Agreeing with everyone else most of the time could be tiring, and we could unconsciously lose ourselves. Thus, there is nothing we should worry about when we say “No.”

Saying “No” is not a crime and not even a sin. 

Let us dive into some reasons why we think so.

God gives us free will 

Even our Creator does not want to force us to do something we do not wish to. He respects our voices, and our natural feelings matter to Him.  

So, it is okay to disagree or to say no to others. There are things we should reject to protect our connection with God. 

For instance, if your friends invite you to do your past vices, you have to say “No” because you are trying to change and be renewed by God.

Thus, it still depends on our free will, and God does not force us to reject our friends. You do it out of your love for God but not because He caused you to.

It helps us prioritize ourselves

When we say “No” to others, we give room for more opportunities for ourselves. Saying yes to others means spending our time doing what they want us to do. So, it means we would not have enough time to explore more opportunities for ourselves. 

Most moms tend not to prioritize themselves because they tend to say Yes all the time. As a result, they end up exhausted, drained, and stressed enough not to give time for what they want.

Furthermore, if we keep saying yes to our family members, we lose opportunities to improve our careers.  

Thinking of what we want is not selfish but focused on achieving our dreams. Thus, saying Yes always could kill our dreams for others to achieve theirs. 

Sets boundaries

Desiring self-respect is not pride. Setting boundaries is crucial for our mental health, and saying No gives us set limits. 

We all have walls to build to protect our peace; sometimes, we must say No to others even if it is not okay with them. It is not self-righteous to ask others to respect what you want and do not want. 

I realized the value of setting my boundaries when I became a mom. I need my privacy to think clearly and care for my son. Sometimes, it means not allowing visitors, even relatives, to visit my home. 

For instance, mothers or wives would love to set boundaries for their in-laws. With so much on their mind, the last thing they want is people intervening or distracting the peace they are trying to have.

Not all people would understand the value of setting your boundaries. But those who truly love you would respect your limits even if they do not understand.

It helps us make more decisions for ourselves

When we say yes to others, we lose our chance to decide on our own for our sake. That is why saying “No” is okay since it gives you more opportunity to consider your feelings in making decisions. 

Our decisions in life affect us more than anyone else, so we need to reject others’ opinions sometimes to listen to our hearts and minds.

More so, we have nothing to blame but ourselves once things do not go as planned. At Least there would be no regrets since you listened to your feelings rather than following others.

It helps you avoid regrets

Putting others’ needs before yours is something we tend to regret in the future. No one could be genuinely happy if you live with “what if’s.” 

So, to help you from regretting your decisions, it is better to say “No” if you did not feel like doing something for others. 

Also, it would save you from doing things unproductively since you are not willing to do so in the first place. 

Could save relationship 

Sometimes, saying “No” could save the relationship with others rather than doing what they want unwillingly. They might think you are okay with doing what they want, but your real feelings will eventually come out.

Not agreeing with them in the first place could save you from resenting the person while doing what they want. There will always be a manipulative person you must deal with for the rest of your life, but that does not mean you would allow them to control you.

So, it would better to decline.

How to say “No”

Sometimes, how we say it matters, so we need to learn to decline without disrespecting or degrading others. 

Saying “No” is exceptionally challenging, and once we do not convey it well, it might cause us some trouble.

Here are some ways on how we can politely decline someone.

Ask yourself

Ask yourself if saying Yes would make you even more tired or burnt out; if it is, you must say No. 

Be honest 

Telling lies and excuses could be tempting when we have to say “No,” but there is nothing wrong with being honest with your reasons. 

You do not need a long explanation. You have to be honest.

Provide alternatives

If there are other ways, then you could openly share it with them. 

It would save you from agreeing with what they want. At the same time, they would know your opinion about their request. 

Moreover, it could help them know more about what they could expect from you.

Mental health matters most

Above all, you must always consider your mental health in your decisions. If it did not help us improve, we must stop people from doing what they want us to do. 

Your mental health is crucial for your maturity and development, so be okay with saying No to others. 

People who care about you would still understand and accept you. More so, saying No does not mean you have a terrible character. Thus, there is nothing to feel guilty about it.