Wounds From a Friend Can Be Trusted
Photo image courtesy Nicole O'Meara
"Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses."
- Proverbs 27:6 (NIV)
I was enjoying a coffee with a friend on the back patio of our local coffee shop, sun shining down as a blessing from heaven. We were basking in the glow of friendship when she leaned forward and lightly touched my hand. "I feel like there’s a glass wall between us," she said. "You let me in, but only so far." Her eyes implored me to understand. Tears wet my cheeks even while I couldn’t process what she’d said. I understood that I’d hurt her, but I didn’t know how. I thought I was open book with her.
Looking back, my season of crying probably began that day. I cried without understanding why I was crying. It took a year of counseling to empty a lifetime of stuffed feelings. Only then could I understand what my friend was saying. I had hurt her by withholding parts of me. And friends don’t do that.
Her words stung like vinegar on an open wound, but they were spoken out of love. And, looking back, I believe they were words given by God. They set me on the path of aligning my head and heart, helping me to have a healthy understanding of my emotions and the emotions in others. It would be a skill necessary for what would come next in life.
Wisdom from Proverbs 27:6 helps us receive the kind of words that wound out of love. "Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses" (NIV)
On our own, it’s difficult to see our blind spots, our weaknesses, the places that need the refining hand of the Holy Spirit. But a friend can show us those places and invite us into the work of sanctification. A friend like that is a gift from the Lord, a companion on our journey to the Promised Land.
Presbyterian pastor and writer Theodore Culyer once said, "God owns you and me, and He has a right to do with us just as He pleases. If He wants to keep His silver over a hot flame until He can see His own countenance reflected in the metal, then He has a right to do so. It is the Lord, it is my loving Teacher, it is my Heavenly Father; let Him do what seemeth Him good."1
God can use words that wound in love to refine us. So, we do well to listen to a godly friend, especially when their words sting with love. The refining process may hurt, but the result can be a character that reflects more of God and less of ourselves.
My friends spoke words of truth to me over a cup of coffee. I may not have understood them at the time, but they opened a wound that had festered for years, a wound I didn’t even know I was ignoring. She loved me enough to speak those words. And she’s loved me like that for two more decades. The love of a godly friend makes their words trustworthy.
Wounds from a friend don’t need to be the end of a friendship. "Wounds from a friend can be trusted," Proverbs says. Let’s challenge ourselves to receive them as words from our Good Father.
[1 - from "God’s Light on Dark Clouds" essays by Theodore Cuyler, 1882]
Question for Reflection:
How well do you trust the friend God has given you? How well do you let her words refine you? What would it look like if you did?
