Can a married couple choose not to have children: Two opposing biblical arguments
Amid a challenging economic crisis, you might have noticed a growing trend among married couples. This is that more and more are choosing to embrace a child-free lifestyle.
It is a decision driven by a multitude of factors. This includes financial considerations, personal aspirations, and the changing dynamics of modern life.
A 2022 study conducted among 1,500 adults in Michigan, a state with demographics similar to the United States as a whole, revealed a striking statistic: 21.64% of adults surveyed had opted not to have children.
But, as you ponder the freedom of choice that marriage bestows upon couples, a profound question arises.
From a biblical perspective, can a Christian married couple choose not to procreate? This question delves into the heart of a theological debate that has stirred the minds of believers for centuries.
In this article, we will guide you to make an informed decision based on these two opposing biblical arguments surrounding the choice of whether or not a married couple can decide not to have children.
The command for a married couple to be fruitful and multiply
Those who advocate for the view that a married couple should have children present four compelling reasons to support their stance.
These are the following:
Rejecting the divine design
According to the biblical perspective, one of the fundamental purposes of marriage is to raise godly offspring. This assertion finds its roots in the command given by the Lord to Adam and Eve in the book of Genesis: "Be fruitful and multiply."
In essence, God designed marriage as a sacred institution wherein the union of a man and a woman is meant to result in the procreation and nurturing of children.
To decide to marry while intending never to have children is viewed as a deviation from God's plan. This is akin to rejecting the very essence of marriage itself.
Just as refusing to engage in marital intimacy or altering the sacred union's definition would be considered a rejection of marriage, so is the rejection of children.
Infertility, which may lead to childlessness, is seen as an exception. But the crux of the matter lies in intentionally rejecting the idea of having children within the marriage.
Conceiving and rearing children
The Bible offers a realistic view of family life. It does not portray idyllic, perfect families. Instead, it presents the raw, often broken, realities of familial relationships.
But, amidst this tapestry of imperfections, the Bible consistently underscores the normalcy and beauty of conceiving and raising children within the context of marriage.
It is portrayed as a fitting and natural part of the human experience.
Despite the complexities and challenges that family life may entail, having children is a normative aspect of marriage.
Hardship and sacrifice
The modern viewpoint seeks to avoid hardship and suffering at all costs. But the Bible presents a different worldview.
It acknowledges that life can be fraught with uncertainties. This includes the possibility of raising children with disabilities, facing heartbreak due to unbelief, or experiencing the loss of a child.
But, from the standpoint of God's Word, these potential hardships and stresses should not deter married couples from having children.
Instead, it emphasizes the profound joy and blessings that come from selflessly giving and serving others. This is particularly through the nurturing of children.
Serving God through procreation
The common argument among non-Christians often revolves around personal rights—asserting the right not to have children.
In contrast, Christians tend to frame the discussion in terms of "serving God rather than having children."
But, the biblical perspective reconciles this clear dichotomy. This is by emphasizing that having children and dedicating years to their prayerful nurturing is precisely how most married individuals serve God.
Having children is not for everyone
Within Christian communities, some individuals advocate the perspective that parenthood is not a universal calling. They assert that not everyone is required to have children.
Here are some of their reasons why.
No mandate in scripture
Nowhere in the Bible does it explicitly mandate that individuals must have children or procreate.
Some scholars may interpret certain Old Testament passages as reasons for married couples to bear children. But the Bible itself does not prescribe parenthood as an obligation.
The misconception that a person's entire purpose, especially that of a woman, lies solely in bearing children is not biblically grounded.
Freedom of choice
It is within the framework of Christianity that every person is granted freedom (Galatians 5:1). This freedom extends to Christian couples.
They have the liberty to decide whether they want to have children or not. That being said, their worth as individuals and as a couple is not contingent upon their parental status.
Factors to consider
In choosing to have or not have children, consider the multifaceted factors that come into play.
Some individuals may feel unprepared for parenthood due to various life circumstances. This may be financial stability, emotional readiness, or the need to focus on other personal goals and aspirations.
Others may grapple with health issues that make the prospect of having children more challenging or risky.
For instance, picture a man who has been managing anxiety and panic attacks for most of his adult life.
He dreams of becoming a father. But he is acutely aware of the toll his mental health challenges can take on his ability to provide emotional stability for a child.
Moreover, consider a scenario where a woman in her early thirties is dedicated to pursuing higher education.
She may opt to delay starting a family until she completes her studies. This emphasizes the importance of emotional readiness and personal goals as key factors in her decision-making process regarding parenthood.
These considerations highlight the importance of recognizing that people have unique life journeys. Their decisions regarding parenthood should be respected and understood in the context of their circumstances.
Parental status and worth
It is crucial to emphasize that neither choosing to have children nor choosing not to have them constitutes sin within the confines of marriage.
In the eyes of the Bible, the worth of a person is not contingent upon their parental status. Rather, it is rooted in their relationship with Jesus.
In Christ, we find completeness and fullness (Colossians 2:10), which implies that our worth is not determined by whether or not we have children.
Making the decision
When considering parenthood, it is important to maintain a balanced perspective by taking into account three fundamental aspects.
The biblical blessing associated with having children,
The natural design of human biology that supports procreation, and
The innate, God-given longings within individuals to become parents.
But regardless of the choice made—whether to embrace parenthood or not—it is crucial to respect the diverse paths that individuals and couples may choose, guided by their values and beliefs, while recognizing the profound significance and blessings associated with raising children.
Moreover, while a married couple has the freedom to choose not to have biological children, they have the equally meaningful option of adopting.
Adoption represents a path of love, compassion, and selflessness. It allows couples to provide a stable and nurturing environment for children in need.
By embracing adoption, couples open their hearts and homes to build families. But instead of being bonded by blood, they are bound by the profound choice to love and care for one another, regardless of biological ties.
This enriching experience celebrates the diversity of parenthood, fosters unity, and exemplifies the essence of nurturing the next generation through selfless acts of love and commitment.
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