Cheater Speak: "I really never intended to hurt you." - Divorce Minister
“You got to understand. I never intended to hurt you.”
Why would a cheater tell their spouse that they never wanted or intended to hurt them?
I think this is all about protecting themselves. The cheater is attempting to protect themselves from the reality of what they did.
By attempting to get agreement about this from their victim, the cheater is essentially attempting to get the faithful party to acknowledge that the cheater is “not so bad.”
Barring success at getting the faithful spouse’s buy in, the cheater might settle with telling themselves this self-serving line.
This is damage control. Cheaters understand what they did is very bad and do not want to face the reality that they are the type of person who does such things (because they just did it).
My response to such a cheater seeking such absolution:
Whether or not you intended to hurt does not matter. It does not change reality. You harmed me deeply, and instead of trying to help me heal, you are making this about you. Don’t your realize how cruelly selfish you are being by saying such a thing!
*A version of this post ran previously.