Cheaters as real bullies - Divorce Minister
The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
-Proverbs 12:18, NIV
We hear stories in the news of bullies pushing people to kill themselves. It is truly awful.
(By the way, please call 911 or reach out for emergency medical assistance if you are seriously considering suicide. The pain will pass. Please do not terminate God’s precious gift to you, your life. Seek qualified help. This blog is NOT a mental health emergency line.)
Imagine a bully who knows your darkest secrets and all your most intimate vulnerabilities or insecurities.
Now, imagine that person using such knowledge to attack you and otherwise belittle you. Then add into the picture a coordination of spiritual leaders and so-called “friends” supporting this bully’s attacks of you.
Faithful spouses often times do not have to imagine such a person. They are married to this individual–i.e. the cheater.
This is their reality.
Cheaters make some of the nastiest and meanest bullies ever. And yet Christians often make things worst by actually enabling this awful behavior and furthering it.
This is probably the ugliest part of promoting “The Shared Responsibility Lie“–i.e. the idea that the faithful spouse in part “caused” the infidelity or other sinful actions taken by the cheater.
Such support is bully-enabling behavior!
Think about it:
-EXAMPLE #1:
The adulteress chiding her husband about not making “enough” money is acting like a bully attacking her husband in possibly his most emotionally vulnerable area.
The church people jumping on that bandwagon badgering that husband are participating in the cheater’s bullying behavior. They are sinning against the faithful spouse while effectively ignoring the adultery in their camp.
-EXAMPLE #2:
The adulterer pointing out how his wife has “let herself go” is coming at his wife at her likely most painful place of struggle and vulnerability.
The church people telling this wife that she needs to buy sexier lingerie and lose a few pounds are participating in this bullying behavior. They are, thereby, sinning against this faithful spouse while effectively ignoring the adultery.
By the way, I absolutely consider it sin when people participate with the cheater in bullying the faithful spouse.
Promoting “The Shared Responsibility Lie” is not a neutral matter. IT IS SIN!–the sin of enabling the cheater as a bully and the sin of participating in that same bullying behavior.
And it needs to stop, NOW!
*A version of this post ran previously. Cheaters still acting as bullies, though.
