"Mailbag" Comment on Joshua Harris Situation - Divorce Minister

I agree, that those in leadership have less privacy than average folks, and that he would have to give a better explanation in order to continue as an active leader in a church. However, (from what I’ve what I’ve gathered in the past hour or so), he left pastoring quite a while ago, and he’s not even sure if he’s a Christian or not anymore. So, if people still consider him a Christian leader, it’s their own problem, not his. He doesn’t owe anybody any kind of explanation anymore.

I read his first book soon after I was married, and I wished i’d read it before. I don’t know if it would’ve made any difference in my life. I thought it was well written, and very bold too, as he seemed to be trusting God completely with his future, and had no idea if he’d ever get married or not when he wrote it. Most other dating books i’d read, were written by people who’d gone through their lives, and already found their soul mates. At any rate, my marriage was a mess right from the start, and 2 years back, I finally ended it. Most people didn’t know how bad things were, because we hid things well. Unlike most people who are divorcing recently though, I made no promises of ‘moving forward as friends’ because of all the pain. There have been many times, that I’ve desperately wanted to talk about the reason(s) I wanted to get a divorce, but I held my tongue, for the sake of my children. The more I slander their father, the more they will get hurt, because they still love him. Is it possible to share the reasons for a divorce without saying a single negative thing about each other? I doubt it. 

Do you truly think it is helpful in any way, for all of their sins to be plastered all over the internet? It would be especially hurtful to the children. And it would hurt them too, because the world, has become a very unforgiving place, and once your brokenness is out in the open, people treat you like you can never change. And when that happens amongst Christians, it is particularly hurtful. Do not seek to tear them up. Be compassionate. Doesn’t it say somewhere that ‘love covers a multitude of sins’?? i’m not a bible scholar, and I, like Josh, am on the path of the prodigal son, so I’m not going to pretend to know what that verse means. But… I can vouch for one thing – the lack of compassion in the Christian world is extremely saddening – and one of the main reasons for so many Christians choosing the path of the prodigal.

-Mary (written in respond to post: “Joshua Harris’ Separation Announcement: Kissing Ordination Goodbye?“

First, I wrote an updated post including the new information that Joshua Harris no longer considers himself a Christian and was announcing his divorce in the first announcement.

You write,

However, (from what I’ve what I’ve gathered in the past hour or so), he left pastoring quite a while ago, and he’s not even sure if he’s a Christian or not anymore. So, if people still consider him a Christian leader, it’s their own problem, not his. He doesn’t owe anybody any kind of explanation anymore.

I generally agree with you in this point. However, Harris’ situation is complicated by the fact that he benefited and continues to benefit from fame as a Christian teacher of the purity culture. In his new, non-pastor venture, he even cites being an author whose books sold millions of copies.

Does this mean he owes us an explanation?  I don’t know. It does complicate matters, though.

Personally, I am willing to give him a pass at this point as I do not expect a professing non-Christian to argue for acting like a Christian.

You next share about your own divorce:

There have been many times, that I’ve desperately wanted to talk about the reason(s) I wanted to get a divorce, but I held my tongue, for the sake of my children. The more I slander their father, the more they will get hurt, because they still love him. Is it possible to share the reasons for a divorce without saying a single negative thing about each other? I doubt it. 

My daughter knows why I am divorced from my first wife (who is not related to her). She is only eight years old. I do not run down my ex-wife. It is not an issue of “slander” as I am not telling lies about her. I simply explained to my  daughter that having another “boyfriend” while being married to me is not acceptable. 

Kids need to know that divorce doesn’t “just happen.” They need to understand actions have consequences, and some actions in marriage come with the consequence of divorce.

Is it possible to share the reasons for a divorce without saying a single negative thing about each other? I doubt it. 

The truth sometimes sounds negative because what the person did was bad! God expects us to be truth speakers, not liars (see John 3:21).

I am NOT suggesting we become verbally abusive about our ex-spouse. The point is to tell the truth by sticking to the facts about the actions leading up to the divorce (without name-calling). You can then let your kids draw their own conclusions from there.

This leads me to the last part of your comment:

Do you truly think it is helpful in any way, for all of their sins to be plastered all over the internet? It would be especially hurtful to the children. 

I am not asking and have never asked for “all their sins to be plastered all over the internet.” This is a straw man argument. Of course, it would be damaging to the kids if that was what happened.

Giving a basic biblical argument for why one is allowed to divorce is not the same as exposing all the sins in the marriage. Besides, I am not even asking for that now since he has officially disavowed the Christian faith. I agree people looking to him for Christian leadership today do so at their own peril.

Doesn’t it say somewhere that ‘love covers a multitude of sins’?? i’m not a bible scholar, and I, like Josh, am on the path of the prodigal son, so I’m not going to pretend to know what that verse means. But… I can vouch for one thing – the lack of compassion in the Christian world is extremely saddening – and one of the main reasons for so many Christians choosing the path of the prodigal.

That quote is from I Peter 4:8. It is worth noting this same book talks about living holy lives as well. Love and holiness are to be bound together not separated.

What Joshua Harris and his family is experiencing is an awful tragedy. I do  not rejoice in what is happening. No one who has a heart and gone through a painful divorce would celebrate such an ending.

We can have love and compassion for leaders and still hold them accountable for what they teach. They are not mutually exclusive.

That said, I am NOT saying we need an answer from Harris at this point. It is answer enough that he has disavowed his Christian faith.

I want to come back the agreement at the start of your comment:

I agree, that those in leadership have less privacy than average folks, and that he would have to give a better explanation in order to continue as an active leader in a church.

Does this put you in the same camp as all those Christians who have no compassion? Of course, not.

We need to hold leaders in the church to a higher standard, because we are trusting them with power and position. This does not necessarily mean we are less compassionate or loving towards them. It just means we are being wise about who we allow to lead.

Hope that helps clear up some things!

-Pastor David aka Divorce Minister