Parenting 1, 2, 3 …
"Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it." -- Proverbs 22:6 (NLT)
Having parented three children and step-parented a few more, I’d like to say I’m an expert.
No. Such. Thing.
Someone asked me recently if I had to choose to have—right now—babies/toddlers, teens, or on-their-own adult kiddos, what would my answer be? That’s a hard question, because each offspring stage comes with its own joys and struggles.
However, having said that, I’ll take toddlers or teens any day of the week and twice on Sunday.
Full stop. I see that furrowed brow. You’re trying to figure out what meds I need. Before you head off to the pharmacy, let me explain.
Babies/Toddlers: They need prayer, cuddles, play time, diaper changes, books read to them, music, brightly colored toys, naps, fun food, and early bedtime.
Teens: They need prayer, understanding with firm direction, a job, attendance at school, deep conversations, books to read, good friends, and perhaps help with a life goal.
On-Their-Own Adult Kiddos: Umm . . . let’s see . . .
No, not really. Adult children still need parenting, but the clue is to not let them know you’re parenting them. And that’s hard, really hard.
One of the principal challenges of parenting adult children is the control factor. What do I mean?
When they are babies, control is easy. When they’re teens, it’s not so easy, but there is a smidge. When they become adults, it’s nowhere to be found. And that, my friends, is where I have had to relearn life.
I’m not exactly a control freak, but I do want a close relationship with it. I like it to come back to me when I whistle for it.
Here it is in a nutshell: Parenting is a lifelong journey of letting go.
God gives us the little darlings, we love them and care for them, teach them how to be independent and live life fully—but when they do, and even when we’re proud of them—we want a little of that control back . . . just in case they need our help.
The remedy?
Don’t try to regain control. Relinquish it to God, who never really gave any of it up to begin with. He does a much better job of parenting than we do anyway, right?
I guarantee you this. From my perspective of parenting for the last fifty or so years, the peace that floods your soul when you give up trying to run their lives is worth it.
Questions for Reflection:
1. Where do you fit in the parenting picture? Do you have small children? Teens? Or are they grown?
2. How can you begin to loosen your tight grip on your children, letting God lead them?
