Respecting elders in the Bible: When to draw the line

Have you ever heard the phrase "respect your elders," whether in a religious, cultural, or societal context? 

It is a sentiment deeply ingrained in many aspects of our lives, emphasizing the importance of honoring those who are older and more experienced. 

While this principle holds significant value, there are moments when it becomes challenging for the younger generation to extend this respect.

There are instances when elders demand rather than request respect.

Sometimes, they also expect unwavering deference to their needs and desires and believe they possess superior knowledge. 

Essentially, they fail to reciprocate the respect they expect. 

In such situations, it prompts an essential question:

When should you draw the line between respecting your elders and standing up for your own values and boundaries?

In this article, we will delve into the notion of respecting elders in the Bible and the balance between honoring our elders and safeguarding our own principles.

Respecting elders in the Bible

Both the Old and New Testaments carry wisdom about showing respect to your elders.

For instance, in Leviticus 19:32, the verse tells you to stand up before those with gray hair, honoring their age. This is a way of honoring God too. 

Meanwhile, Deuteronomy 17:12 teaches that obeying religious leaders is crucial, as those who disrespect them face consequences.

Remember that God appoints earthly rulers (Proverbs 8:15; Daniel 2:21), even ungodly ones, and their authority should be respected.

In the New Testament, there's a similar call to respect elders. 

Apostle Paul instructs, 

"Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity" (1 Timothy 5:1–2). 

It reminds you to treat older believers with the same care and respect you would give to your family.

Peter links respect for elders to godly humility: 

"Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for 'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.' Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you" (1 Peter 5:5–6).

Why the lack of respect

Despite the clear command to respect elders, there are instances where youth may exhibit a lack of respect. This can sometimes be a reflection of societal changes and values.

Outdatedness

Elders have traditionally been seen as the wise sages of the community. This is because they draw from their life experiences. 

Job, for instance, emphasized the value of wisdom in the aged (Job 12:12). 

However, in today's digital age, there's a tendency to question the wisdom of elders in comparison to the vast knowledge available online. 

The idea is that quick internet searches can provide expertise on almost anything. This makes some question the need to rely on the wisdom of older generations with narrower perspectives.

Near death

In a culture that often avoids discussing death and aging, there is a tendency to hide the signs of aging with various cosmetic measures. 

Ecclesiastes 12 poetically describes the challenges of old age, from physical ailments to the fading of faculties. 

Such societal aversion to the realities of aging can lead to a lack of appreciation for the elderly. This is because people might prefer to focus on youth and vitality, rather than acknowledging the inevitable process of growing older.

Have not earned respect

There is a perception that some elders have not earned respect through their behavior. 

Some individuals, regardless of age, may act in ways that are disrespectful or offensive. 

It can lead to frustration among the younger generation, who may question why they should automatically respect someone solely based on their age. 

Moreover, this tension can result in a perception that older individuals believe they can say or do anything without consequence. As a result, there is a clash between generations.

Unconditional compliance

It is undoubtedly important to show reverence to your elders, but often, this phrase is wielded to enforce unquestioning obedience. 

The concept of "respect your elders" lacks specificity. It insists on honoring all adults without discrimination. 

Yet, it is glaringly evident that the world harbors individuals with malevolent intentions who merit no respect whatsoever.

Given this, the phrase "respect your elders" is not a tool employed by all to govern those junior to them. But it remains a weapon in the arsenal of many.

When to show respect

In a world where some elders may harbor ill intentions, it becomes paramount for you, as the youth, to make discerning choices about whom to heed. 

Your compass should align with what you believe pleases the Lord and your own deeply held convictions. 

Nevertheless, this doesn't entail responding to elders with negativity. Instead, it calls for patience, polite refusal, and a sincere effort to enlighten or, if necessary, ignore.

When confronted with elders whose intentions may not resonate with your values, it is your duty to exercise patience. 

Maintain composure and grace, for impulsive reactions often yield unfavorable outcomes. 

Responding with temperance can potentially bridge gaps of understanding and respect, even in the face of conflicting viewpoints.

Moreover, education is a potent tool to wield when faced with elders whose perspectives clash with your own. 

Endeavor to enlighten them, offering insight into your viewpoint. Engage in constructive dialogue, emphasizing the importance of mutual understanding. 

Yet, if such efforts were proven to be fruitless, it is permissible to choose the path of silence. Safeguard your peace and convictions. 

Remember, the decision to ignore does not denote disrespect. Rather, it speaks of the recognition that not all battles are worth fighting.

How to show respect to elders

If you were certain that the elders have benevolent intentions toward you, it is appropriate to show them respect in ways that align with your values and beliefs. 

Here are some ways how.

Heed their advice

When your elders share their wisdom with you, pay attention and consider their guidance seriously. 

For instance, if your grandparents suggested saving money, listen to their advice about managing finances.

Provide them with their needs, if possible

If your elder pastors needed assistance or support, do your best to meet their needs. 

For example, if your senior pastor needs help with organizing church events, volunteer your time to assist.

Recognize their care for you

Acknowledge the love and care your elders have given you. Express your gratitude by saying "thank you" when they do something kind for you.

Do not make them feel ignored or sidelined

Avoid neglecting or excluding your elders from family or church activities. Include them in conversations and gatherings to ensure they don't feel left out. 

Provide opportunities for them to get involved

Encourage your elders to actively participate in church activities and leadership roles. 

For example, if your senior pastor has a particular ministry interest, support their involvement and help facilitate their leadership in that area.

Respect begets respect

While biblical teachings emphasize honoring and respecting elders as a fundamental principle, some circumstances challenge this notion.

In navigating this complex landscape, it is essential to exercise discernment.

Choose whom to heed, align your actions with your values and convictions, and maintain patience, grace, and composure when faced with conflicting viewpoints.

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