Wife, Respect Your Husband, And Husband Love Your Wife
So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:33
A couple can joyfully talk about their marital relationship during the times when their marriage sails along harmoniously. But if it experiences stormy weather, that becomes a different story.
The Apostle Paul tells us in the Epistle of Ephesians how a couple can maintain harmony in their marriage. Our verse for today concluded his teaching with two simple statements.
He said, ‘Husband, love your wife, and wife, respect your husband.’ Simple, yet sometimes difficult to fulfill because selfishness must become selflessness.
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Paul addressed the wife first by building her relationship with her husband on respect. He followed that by speaking to each husband about the love for his wife he must constantly exhibit.
Before Paul mentioned the husband and wife relationship, though, he wrote about how we as individual Christians should live. Living as a Christian requires a conscious effort.
So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. Ephesians 5:15-17
He continued by saying our spirituality should replace excessive drinking. He also eluded to the fact that we should practice our Christian walk both publicly and privately.
Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. Ephesians 5:18-19
In those verses, the apostle instructs us to live a life guided by the Spirit. Thus, those qualities must also be present in the husband and wife relationship. We’ll start by looking at the wives.
Wife, Respect Your Husband
For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. Ephesians 5:22-23
I know the word “submit” doesn’t sit well with many women. This submission doesn’t mean blind obedience, but rather a reflection of the relationship between Christ and the church.
What does ‘wives submit to their husbands’ mean? It’s a comparison of her relationship with the Lord. The same love, respect, and devotion she gives to the Lord, she must give to her husband.
Paul clearly explained what he meant about her submissiveness in his concluding remarks on this subject. The wife must respect her husband.
For the Husbands
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. Ephesians 5:25-26
Let’s paint a visual picture of how Christ loved the church. He laid down His life for her. He cleansed the church, making her holy and without fault so she could stand before the Father.
In other words, Christ prioritized the church over everything else. He loves her more than she could love herself. Many men can’t fully identify what Christ did.
Therefore, Paul brought the conversation down to a level at which men could understand. Instead of retreating because you can’t be like Jesus,” he said love your wife like you love yourself.”
When the Husband and Wife Relationship Goes Sour
Our biggest hindrance to serving and obeying the Lord stems from our sinful nature. It often gets in the way, especially when a marriage starts to go sour.
When that happens, confusion can arise between the couple. Most Christians understand the principle of love and respect. But if her respect stops, should his love cease, and vice versa?
During the dating process, a couple must build their relationship on love and respect. Otherwise, they build it on the wrong things, like physical attraction, which leads to sexual activity.
But let’s say a couple began their relationship with love and respect. Or it developed into a loving and respectful union. Problems arise when one or both of those qualities stop.
They usually don’t come to a consensus by making the following agreement. “As of today, I will stop loving you, and you can stop respecting me.”
No, one of them viewed the other as not fulfilling their part of the deal. In return, the other one responds with the same type of attitude and treatment.
Before you know it, the love of the husband and the respect of the wife vanish. When this happens, the couple acts like two alley cats trying to mark their territory.
Years ago, I dealt with a couple in a similar situation. They played the blame game. The wife said, “He doesn’t love me anymore.” The husband replied with, “She shows me no respect.”
Paul Did Not Use the Word “If”
When Paul described the love and respect between a husband and a wife, you won’t find the word “if.” He didn’t say “husband, you should love her if” and “wife, you should respect him if.”
Husband, love your wife whether she respects you or not. Wife, respect your husband, whether he loves you or not. Why? Because the husband and wife committed to becoming one!
As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. Ephesians 5:31-31
I shudder to think how each of us, everyone in the church, has at times disrespected Christ. Yet He loves us no matter what. Wives, I know you need the love of your husbands.
Sometimes you view his love for you as sexual or selfish when it may be just plain love. On the other side of the coin, respect your husband without manipulation or any other strings attached.
Why a Wife Should Respect Her Husband
I’ve used the following quote for men regarding loving their wives. It also works for women when it comes to why she should respect her husband. Let its meaning sink deep into your heart.
“He is not my husband because I respect him. I respect him because he is my husband.”
Lord, I pray for (your spouse’s name) and me that we would continue to walk together in perfect harmony. Help me to be the (loving husband) or (respectful wife) that will bring honor to you.
Check out these two posts written about love.
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