Am I showing toxic traits?: Signs and ways to change

It is easy to overlook the mirror that reflects our actions and attitudes. Yet, taking a moment for introspection is a crucial step toward personal growth. 

However, consider it as more than just a reflection of your actions. In the Bible, James 1:23-24 likens the Scriptures to a mirror. It reveals not only what we are but also points us toward positive change.

In this article, we will explore the signs of toxic traits that might be present in your life and give you practical steps to incite changes in your life.


Toxic traits

Toxic traits are behaviors and patterns that can be detrimental to both yourself and those around you. These can manifest in various ways. 

For instance, in relationships, these traits may include possessiveness, jealousy, or a constant need for control.

In communication, on the other hand, this can be your behavior of blaming, criticizing, or manipulating others.

It is not always easy to spot these toxic behaviors. They can be subtle and ingrained in your habits. Essentially, however, toxic traits hinder positive interactions and can create an unhealthy environment.

For instance, these behaviors might lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, or even the breakdown of relationships over time.

Signs of toxicity 

As you navigate the journey of understanding toxic traits, consider seeking guidance from your faith. The Christian perspective emphasizes values like love, compassion, and forgiveness. Comparing your behaviors against these principles creates a framework. This way, you can evaluate whether your actions align with the teachings of Christianity.

Love and compassion vs. manipulation and control

When examining toxic traits in the context of Christian values, it is crucial to contrast behaviors that align with love and compassion against those rooted in manipulation and control. For instance, consider your relationships and interactions with others. 

Are your actions driven by genuine love and compassion, seeking the well-being of those around you? 

On the contrary, if you find yourself manipulating situations or attempting to control others to fulfill your desires, these actions may indicate toxic traits.

Love and compassion, as emphasized in Christianity, involve selflessness. It also emphasizes a genuine concern for the welfare of others, fostering positive and uplifting connections.

Honesty and integrity vs. deceit and gossip

Reflect on your communication with others. Are you consistently honest and transparent in your dealings, or do you find yourself veering toward deception to protect your interests? 

Honesty and integrity are core tenets of Christian teachings. They involve being truthful and maintaining moral principles even when faced with challenges. On the other hand, engaging in deceitful practices undermines trust. Hence, it goes against the values of transparency and integrity.

Also, consider the role of gossip in your interactions with others. Are your conversations marked by a desire to build up and encourage, or do you find yourself participating in gossip that tears others down

Christianity emphasizes the importance of edifying speech and discourages gossip. It can harm relationships and tarnish reputations. Contrasting your communication habits with the principles of honesty and integrity can reveal either of the two:

Your words contribute positively to the lives of others or they are tainted by toxic traits such as deceit and gossip. 

Forgiveness and grace vs. resentment and bitterness

Contrast actions aligned with forgiveness and grace against those rooted in resentment and bitterness. Reflect on instances where you have faced conflicts or offenses. Do you find yourself holding onto grudges and nurturing feelings of resentment? Or are you able to extend forgiveness and grace? 

Christianity underscores the importance of forgiving others as a reflection of God's forgiveness towards us. Choosing forgiveness over bitterness contributes to a healthier emotional and spiritual state.


Steps to change and growth

Change and growth are integral aspects of the human experience. They both represent a continuous journey towards personal and collective improvement. That said, as a Christian striving to live like Christ, bury your toxic traits and take the following steps towards change and growth.

Acknowledging the need for change

Acknowledging the need for change is the first crucial step in your journey toward personal growth within the Christian framework. This acknowledgment sets the foundation for positive transformation rooted in self-awareness and a genuine desire for change.

In this stage, prayer and meditation play crucial roles. Take moments of quiet reflection and seek guidance through prayer. Doing so can provide clarity about your actions and attitudes. It allows you to connect with your faith and gain insight into areas of your life that may need attention and improvement.

Also, examine your actions through biblical teachings. This way, you can align your behavior with Christian values. Delve into scriptures that highlight positive traits, such as love, kindness, and humility. 

For example, passages like 1 Corinthians 13 emphasize the transformative power of love. By reflecting on these teachings, you can gain a clearer understanding of the virtues that should guide your actions.

Establishing accountability through the Christian community

Share your intentions for change with trusted friends, family members, or fellow members of your faith community. Having a supportive network that encourages and holds you accountable can provide valuable assistance on your journey.

Embracing forgiveness and reconciliation

Embracing forgiveness and reconciliation is a pivotal part of your transformation. Recognize the power of forgiveness in releasing the burden of resentment and fostering healing. Just as you seek God's forgiveness, extending forgiveness to others allows for personal growth and stronger relationships.

On the other hand, for those you have wronged because of your toxicity, ask them for their forgiveness and take accountability for your past actions.


Cultivating positive habits aligned with Christian values

Identify specific actions that align with virtues such as love, kindness, and humility. For instance, make a conscious effort to practice patience or engage in acts of service to contribute to the development of positive habits that reflect your commitment to Christian values.

Seeking guidance

Consider that trained professionals, such as Christian counselors or therapists, can provide valuable insights and guidance. Their expertise in blending psychological principles with biblical teachings can offer a holistic approach to addressing issues and fostering positive change.

Equally important is the significance of seeking guidance from trusted pastors or spiritual mentors. Your faith community can offer a unique form of support as you navigate personal challenges. 

Sharing your struggles and seeking counsel from a pastor or spiritual mentor allows you to receive guidance rooted in the teachings of your faith. These individuals can provide spiritual insights, prayerful support, and encouragement tailored to your Christian journey. For example, if you are grappling with questions of purpose or faith, seek guidance from a trusted pastor or spiritual mentor. They can offer clarity and a deeper understanding of your path.


Journey to positive change

As you reflect on the signs of toxic traits and the ways to change, consider this an opportunity for a transformative journey. The path toward positive change is illuminated by the guiding light of your faith.

Embrace the steps discussed, from acknowledging the need for change to seeking guidance and support from your Christian community. By cultivating positive habits and aligning your actions with the values of love, integrity, and forgiveness, you embark on a journey that not only enhances your well-being but also strengthens your connection to your Christian faith.

May this journey be one of continuous growth, rooted in the principles that guide your walk of faith.

More from Crossmap:

Staying positive: How to see the good in difficult moments


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    Hannah

    I'm a Christian who sees the church as my second home. Not only were my parents the ones who raised me, but our church elders and members also played a significant role. However, despite attending church every Sunday, I still have some questions regarding my faith. As a writer, the articles I create serve as answers to the questions I've had and continue to have, and I hope they can serve a purpose for others who are searching for the same answers.