Coparenting with a narcissist
You find yourself in a difficult situation, coparenting with a narcissist. Every interaction feels like walking on eggshells, fearing their unpredictable reactions. Simple decisions turn into battles, as they always need to be in control.
For example, when you plan a fun outing for your child, they suddenly demand custody for that day, disrupting your plans. Despite your efforts to provide stability, they disrupt routines to assert dominance.
Their constant need for validation and admiration makes co-parenting even more challenging. They use your child as a pawn to gain sympathy and attention. For instance, they might spoil your child with extravagant gifts. But instead of as a sign of their affection, they use it as a way to buy affection and undermine your authority. You are left feeling helpless, watching your child being used as a tool in their game of control.
As you navigate this coparenting dynamic, your main concern remains the well-being of your child. You strive to shield them from the toxic behaviors and manipulation tactics of the narcissistic parent.
Romans 12:18 states, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."
The narcissistic tendencies of your coparent make rational communication and compromise difficult, if not impossible. However, you hold onto the belief that by maintaining your sense of integrity and refusing to engage in unnecessary conflict, you are fulfilling your duty as a parent. You focus on creating a safe and nurturing environment for your child, even amidst the chaos and uncertainty caused by the narcissist's behavior.
However, understand that peace does not mean sacrificing your own mental and emotional health or enabling harmful behavior. Instead, it involves finding a balance between asserting yourself and choosing your battles wisely.
You also have the option to prioritize your safety and the well-being of your child by taking steps to create a more secure environment.
Divorce is not considered a sin if your partner abuses you.
Abuse violates the sanctity and safety of marriage. It is not what God intended for relationships.
Moreover, if your partner is abusing you and your child, it raises questions about their commitment to follow Christ. A genuine follower of Christ would not engage in such harmful behavior. This raises concerns about being unequally yoked. And as mentioned in 2 Corinthians 6:14: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"
But what about helping them change? you may ask.
It is natural to hold onto the belief that people can change, especially when it involves someone you once loved or still care about. You might consider offering support or encouragement in the hopes of facilitating their healing. However, acknowledge the reality that narcissists often lack the genuine willingness to change.
Narcissists are primarily concerned with their own needs and desires. And it is often at the expense of others.
While they may exhibit temporary changes or make promises to appease others, these efforts are often superficial and short-lived.
Prioritize your well-being and that of your child. Recognize that continued exposure to narcissistic behavior poses a significant risk to your mental, emotional, and physical health.
Read more:
What does it mean for wives to serve their husbands, as stated in Ephesians 5
