When a cheater claims the marriage was “toxic” – Divorce Minister

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Thou shalt not commit adultery.

-Exodus 20:14, KJV

Did I miss something?

When I read this verse–part of the Ten Commandments–I don’t see where it says,

“Thou shalt not commit adultery unless [you believe] your marriage is a toxic relationship.”

I don’t see it because it is NOT there!

This is an especially lame cheater excuse or “justification” for cheating and abandoning the marriage after the fact.

Interestingly enough, I do agree that divorcing a toxic person is justifiable. But it is divorce for the sin–e.g. adultery and abuse–that is the real reason.

It is not for the lazy “toxicity” excuse.

That is akin to divorcing over a lack of “happiness.”

I do not see the God of the Bible teaching us that our commitment to staying in a marriage is based upon our perceived level of happiness or misery.

Even if a spouse has a clear reason to divorce biblically–e.g. in light of adultery–that does not excuse the faithful spouse in cheating in response to the original marital sin.

Also, toxicity claims after the fact are just another way cheaters blame-shifts upon their victim. It is another way of saying, “See, you drove me to it!”

As a reminder, the state of the marriage did not cause the cheater to violate the marriage vows. Cheaters choose to cheat. It is the overflow of the wickedness in their own heart (see James 1:13-17).

God does not give us a pass to cheat on our spouse, because our marriage is difficult or “toxic.” God does not give us a pass to cheat even if our spouse cheated on us first. The command to not commit adultery stands with no qualification.

Thou shalt not commit adultery!

Do not let the “shiny” language of “toxic relationship” distract you from this simple Biblical instruction!

It is not that complicated.

Toxic relationship or not, it still is unacceptable to God for a spouse to cheat!

* A version of this posted previously.

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