Stop fanning the flames: How to control your anger

When was the last time you felt anger surging through your veins? 

Was it during a misunderstanding with a close friend, a teasing session with a playful sibling, or perhaps when you were the subject of mockery by a coworker? 

We all experience moments of anger in our lives, and that's perfectly normal. 

But, what truly matters is how we handle and express that anger. Unchecked and untamed, anger can lead us down a path we may later regret – for sometimes, how we act on our anger can be sinful.

In this article, we aim to help you control your anger and stop fanning its flames by embracing healthier responses in a Christlike manner.

Biblical advice: Be slow to anger

In the Bible, there are several verses that discuss the topic of anger, highlighting its presence in human life. 

Both James and Paul, in their respective passages, approach this emotion with a realistic perspective. 

They acknowledge that anger is a natural part of life. But, they caution against allowing it to lead one into sinful actions. 

Essentially, the Bible emphasizes the importance of leading a balanced life, where anger is acknowledged but not allowed to control us.

For instance, James 1:19 advises, 

"Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." 

This verse encourages practicing restraint and thoughtful communication in the face of anger. It shows that it is possible to manage this emotion constructively.

Similarly, Ephesians 4:26 states, 

"In your anger, do not sin." 

This verse acknowledges that anger may arise. But it emphasizes the need to avoid letting it drive us to harmful behavior or harmful words.

Solomon's wisdom in Proverbs also touches on this theme. 

In Proverbs 19:11, he notes that a person's discretion allows them to be slow to anger and that it is a mark of glory to overlook offenses. 

This highlights the importance of discernment in dealing with anger and the wisdom of letting go of perceived transgressions.

Furthermore, in Proverbs 16:32, Solomon offers a great principle of balanced living, stating, 

"He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who captures a city." 

This verse emphasizes that self-control and restraint in managing anger demonstrate true strength, mastery, and leadership. These can all then lead to greater success in life.

The moments when anger became a sin

There are moments in the Bible when anger becomes a sin, especially when it is uncontrolled or unjustified, which often happens with imperfect humans. 

Take the example of Cain, who allowed his anger to grow uncontrollably when God rejected his sacrifice. 

His unchecked anger led him to commit the terrible act of murdering his own brother (Genesis 4:3-8).

Another instance is seen in the prophet Jonah, who became consumed with anger when God showed mercy to the Ninevites. 

God corrected Jonah, reminding him that his anger was misplaced and that he should have shown compassion to those who repented of their sins (Jonah 3:10-4:1, 4, 11).

These stories serve as powerful examples of how human anger, when left unbridled, can lead to destructive outcomes. Moreover, it can distance us from God's righteousness. (James 1:20)

Signs that you’re letting your anger control you

Assess whether you are letting your anger take control of your actions and emotions. Then, determine the severity of your anger. 

Understanding these aspects is crucial to developing healthy strategies for managing and channeling your emotions constructively.

Physical aggressiveness

Do you find yourself resorting to physical aggression, such as hitting, pushing, or breaking things when you are angry? 

Reacting violently to anger can harm others and yourself. Moreover, it indicates a lack of control over your emotions.

Emotional aggressiveness

Do you frequently lash out verbally, criticize, or insult others when angry? 

Emotional aggressiveness can damage relationships and create a negative environment, highlighting the need to address and manage your anger more effectively.

Dwelling on it

Do you find it challenging to let go of your anger?

Fixating on the source of your anger can intensify negative feelings and prevent you from finding resolution or peace.

Easily triggered

Do you get angry at the slightest provocation or feel like you have little control over your reactions?

Being easily triggered indicates a heightened emotional sensitivity that requires understanding and regulation.

Blame shifting

Do you frequently blame others for your anger and refuse to take responsibility for your emotions?

Avoiding accountability can hinder personal growth and hinder the development of healthier coping mechanisms.

How to control your anger

To lead a Christlike life, you must learn how to control your anger effectively. Here are several ways how.

Acknowledge your feelings

Avoid bottling your feelings, but instead, acknowledge them honestly and openly before God and yourself. 

Recognize that it's okay to feel angry at times, as it is a natural human emotion, but do not let it simmer and build up inside you.

Forgive who offended you

Reflect on the boundless forgiveness that Christ extends to all. Let that be your inspiration to forgive others genuinely and unconditionally. 

Remember that forgiveness is not excusing the offense. Rather, it is freeing yourself from the burden of anger and bitterness.

Refuse to seek revenge

Refuse to seek revenge or retaliate when someone wrongs you. Remember that vengeance belongs to God alone. 

Instead, entrust justice to Him, and focus on responding with love and kindness, even towards those who have hurt you deeply.

For instance, a colleague at work consistently belittles you, and you're tempted to seek revenge or retaliate. 

Instead, remember that seeking revenge is not your responsibility. Pray for guidance and try to respond with kindness. 

If the situation persists, address it with your supervisor or HR department to find a resolution.

Re-evaluate the other person’s words or actions

Take a moment to re-evaluate the other person's words or actions before reacting in anger. 

Consider their perspective, motivations, and circumstances that might have contributed to the situation. 

Be open to communication and understanding, seeking common ground and potential resolutions rather than jumping to conclusions.

For example, a misunderstanding arises with a family member, and you feel hurt and angry. 

Before reacting, put yourself in their shoes and try to understand their perspective. 

Engage in an open and honest conversation to clear up any miscommunication as they may have said things and did what they did thinking it would help you. Then, work towards expressing how it negatively affected you instead and work towards reconciliation.

Vent in a healthy manner

Vent your emotions in a healthy and constructive manner to avoid letting anger consume you. 

Engage in journaling to express your feelings and thoughts, and allow yourself to reflect on the root causes of your anger. 

Alternatively, you can seek counsel from a trusted friend, mentor, or pastor who can offer biblical advice and support during difficult times.

Let the Holy Spirit be in control

Instead of letting anger control you, allow the Holy Spirit to fill you with patience, understanding, and forgiveness, and let the flames of anger die down.

This way, you will find the strength to respond with love, even when facing tough situations.

Moreover, follow Christ's example of compassion and forgiveness to lead a life that reflects His teachings and brings glory to His name. 

Show Christ's love in your interactions, and it will lead to healing, reconciliation, and a life in harmony with God's will.

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