Conflict resolution: How to address issues in the relationship

Have you recently found yourself in a disagreement with a family member, friend, or coworker? Is not it remarkable how challenging it can be to mend these ruptures? Disputes are part of life. But as a Christian, the call is to seek a peaceful resolution whenever possible.

In this article, we will guide you through the maze of conflict resolution, offering insights rooted in biblical principles. This article does not promise a quick fix. This article aspires to equip you with practical and timeless approaches to address issues in your relationships.

Why is conflict hard to overcome

When conflicts arise, overcoming them can be challenging. Here are three primary reasons why.

People are influenced by their emotions

One significant reason is that people are influenced by their emotions. Emotions run deep, and when disagreements occur, they often trigger strong feelings like anger, frustration, or hurt. These emotions can cloud judgment and make it difficult to approach the issue objectively. You might find it hard to see the other person's perspective when your emotions are running high.

Additionally, emotions can escalate the conflict. When individuals are driven by intense feelings, the likelihood of the disagreement escalating into a full-blown argument increases. This escalation can make the resolution seem even more distant.

We want our own desires to push through

Another reason why overcoming conflicts can be tough is that we often want our desires to push through. It is natural to have personal preferences, opinions, and needs. However, when conflicts arise, a strong desire to have your way can create roadblocks. You may find it challenging to compromise or consider alternative perspectives because of a strong attachment to your desires.

This desire for personal satisfaction can intensify the conflict, as both parties may be adamant about their wants and needs. The focus shifts from finding a resolution to a competition of whose desires will prevail.

We think we are in the right or our opinions are better

Another significant obstacle in resolving conflicts is the tendency to believe that we are in the right or that our opinions are superior. It is common for individuals to hold onto the conviction that their perspective is the correct one. This belief can make it challenging to consider alternative viewpoints and entertain the possibility that there might be validity in the other person's stance.

When both parties firmly believe they are right, the conflict becomes a battle of egos. This mindset can hinder productive communication and hinder the willingness to compromise.

Biblical ways for conflict resolution

As a Christian, when faced with difficult situations, the key is to always turn to the Scriptures. That being said, here are biblical ways for conflict resolution.

Surrender to God for guidance

In times of conflict, the urge to rely solely on personal wisdom or instincts is strong. But the Bible encourages a different approach. Proverbs 3:5-6 advises,

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

Surrendering the conflict to God means acknowledging our limitations and seeking divine wisdom to guide us through the resolution process.

Face conflict, not run away from it

The Bible emphasizes the importance of addressing conflicts directly and seeking reconciliation. In Matthew 5:23-24, Jesus instructs,

"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there, remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar.

First, go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift." This underscores the significance of actively resolving conflicts rather than avoiding them.

Moreover, the biblical narrative of Jacob and Esau provides a poignant illustration of facing conflict. In Genesis 33, after years of estrangement and conflict, Jacob confronts his brother Esau. Despite Jacob's fear and uncertainty, the resolution is one of reconciliation and forgiveness.

Humble yourself

Proverbs 15:33 reminds us,

"The fear of the Lord teaches wisdom, and humility comes before honor."

Humility involves setting aside pride and acknowledging that none of us are perfect. It opens the door to understanding and paves the way for reconciliation. James 4:6 reinforces this, stating,

"But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says, “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble."

Be open to learning their side

Being open to learning the other person's side is another essential biblical approach to conflict resolution. Proverbs 18:2 cautions,

"Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions."

To truly understand someone else's perspective, requires a willingness to listen and learn. The biblical narrative of the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32 exemplifies this. The son humbled himself, realizing his mistakes. And the father, in turn, embraced him with forgiveness and reconciliation.

Focus on the other person’s positive sides

It is easy to get caught up in the heat of the disagreement and magnify the negative aspects. But the Bible encourages a different perspective. Philippians 4:8 advises,

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

This principle invites you to intentionally shift your focus from grievances to positive qualities.

By concentrating on the positive aspects of the other person, you open yourself to the possibility of resolution. Jesus, in Matthew 7:3-5, underscores the importance of self-reflection before attempting to address the faults of others. He says,

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your eye?”

Ask others to help mediate

When facing the struggle of conflict resolution, seek the assistance of others to mediate. The Bible acknowledges the value of wise counsel. Proverbs 15:22 states,

"Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers, they succeed."

In the heat of a dispute, involving a neutral third party can provide a fresh perspective and help navigate the conversation toward resolution. It reflects a willingness to prioritize understanding over winning. This is because you draw on the support of others for a fair and balanced resolution.

Distance yourself from the relationship

If the conflict significantly impacts your well-being, there is also biblical wisdom in considering the option to distance yourself from the relationship. Proverbs 22:24-25 warns,

"Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared."

This does not mean abandoning the relationship entirely. Rather, it is taking a step back to preserve your own peace and emotional health. It acknowledges the importance of self-care and the recognition that some conflicts may require a level of space and boundaries.

Holding on and letting go

In handling conflicts within your relationships, recognize that proper conflict resolution can be the key to holding onto those connections. When both parties are willing to engage in open communication, understanding, and compromise, it fosters an environment where relationships can endure and even strengthen. This approach aligns with the biblical principle of seeking reconciliation and forgiveness, promoting unity and harmony.

However, it is crucial to acknowledge that not all conflicts can be easily resolved. Sometimes, the other person may be unwilling to participate in the resolution process. In such instances, or if the hurt is too deep to address immediately, it is okay to consider taking a step back. Furthermore, if the other person remains unwilling to engage in conflict resolution, or if the hurt is too profound to repair, you have the option to reassess the relationship.

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